Untangling a distorted thoughtlife …

Kids can say some funny things, as well as some profound things, like this …

A child, asked how he happened to think of something, said, “I got a kick in the mind and it said itself.”

While that sounds a little funny, it’s actually profound in that the boy described human behavior accurately … our emotions and behavior come from our thoughts, and our thoughts will say and show themselves!

Nothing causes us more problems than does our thinking. That’s because in addition to their often being sinful thoughts, much of our thinking is irrational.

Or twisted — blending a heavy dose of the irrational with some rational thinking sprinkled in.

Much of the work of Christian counselors and therapists is helping people learn how to “untwist” their thoughts so they more consistently think rationally and eliminate patterns of distorted thinking (see my blog, “10 patterns of distorted thinking …” here). Psychiatrist, clinical professor, and author, David Burns, M.D., popularized in his book, “The Feeling Good Handbook,” the following 10 ways to “untwist” your (irrational) thinking:

1. Identify The Distortion. Write down your negative thoughts so you can see which of the ten cognitive distortions you’re involved in. This will make it easier to think about the problem in a more positive and realistic way.

2. Examine The Evidence – Instead of assuming your negative thought is true, examine actual evidence for it. For example, if you feel you never do anything right, you could list several things you have done successfully.

3. The Double-Standard Method – Instead of putting yourself down in a harsh, condemning way, talk to yourself in the same compassionate way you would talk to a friend with a similar problem.

4. The Experimental Technique – Do an experiment to test the validity of your negative thought. For example, if during an episode of panic, you become terrified that you’re about to die of a heart attack, you could jog or run up and down several flights of stairs. This will prove that your heart is healthy and strong.

5. Thinking In Shades Of Grey – Although this method may sound drab, the effects can be illuminating. Instead of thinking about your problems in all-or-nothing extremes, evaluate things on a scale of 0 to 100. When things don’t work out as well as you hoped, think about the experience as a partial success rather than a complete failure. See what you can learn from the situation.

6. The Survey Method – Ask people questions to find out if your thoughts and attitudes are realistic. For example, if you feel that public speaking anxiety is abnormal and shameful, ask several friends if they ever felt nervous before they gave a talk.

7. Define Terms – When you label yourself “inferior” or “a fool” or “a loser,” ask, “What is the definition of ‘a fool’?” You will feel better when you realize there is no such thing as “a loser” and that you’re not a “fool.”

8. The Semantic Method – Simply substitute language that is less colorful and emotionally loaded. This method is helpful for “should statements.” Instead of telling yourself, “I shouldn’t have made that mistake,” you can say, “It would be better if I hadn’t made that mistake.”

9. Re-attribution – Instead of automatically assuming you are “bad” and blaming yourself entirely for a problem, think about the many factors that may have contributed to it. Focus on solving the problem instead of using up all your energy blaming yourself and feeling guilty.

10. Cost-Benefit Analysis – List the advantages and disadvantages of a feeling (like getting angry when your plane is late), a negative thought (like “No matter how hard I try, I always mess up”), or a behavior pattern (like overeating and lying around in bed when you’re depressed). You can also use the cost-benefit analysis to modify a self-defeating belief such as, “I must always try to be perfect.”

If you’re struggling with irrational thinking, try the suggestions above. If you still have difficulty overcoming twisted thinking, or defeating patterns of cognitive distortions, make an appointment with a competent Christian counselor or therapist. They can help you learn how to untwist your thinking and develop a more rational thoughtlife.

Scotty