When the godless are more godly?
When Christians could have made a real difference in my friends’ life, they failed him miserably.
One of my close friends who I have known for a couple decades faced the challenge of prostate cancer a while back. I was out-of-state and didn’t have the opportunity to be there directly for him.
What was difficult about the situation is that he is no longer walking with God. He used to. He had raised his children as a Christian father should, even insisted in having them in Christian school. He had risen to being a Deacon in the church, and was very active in serving others. For a while, he thought he might be called to ministry, and took some classes at a Bible college. He was active in helping me plant a church, and was a thoroughly reliable friend.
Since then, he has gone through a divorce and now is living with a woman, and has changed in other ways. He likes to think that although God may not be happy with him, he’s still “safe.”
Then came the scare with cancer.
As he battled through his treatment, not a single Christian friend showed up to support him through his struggle. He got a few calls and cards, but not one Christian friend found their way to his home or the hospital to help him through a very difficult time.
But many of his new non-Christian friends did. They showed up in droves and supported him through his entire treatment. His non-Christian friends did everything his Christian friends should have but didn’t. So why should he change his ways and return to those who really did not care?
As I talked to my friend about this, it seemed obvious the one thing he had longed for was his Christian friends to be there for him. Although he knows he isn’t living right, he still knows what is and isn’t right, and I think he was hoping his Christian friends would love him through his struggle regardless of the poor choices he was making. I believe he may have been influenced to repent had his Christian friends demonstrated true Christlikeness.
But they didn’t.
Sadly, this difficult struggle during my friend’s life was a time when it seemed as though the ungodly were more godly than those calling themselves followers of Christ. But to actually be a follower of Christ, you must actually follow Christ! You have to walk in His steps and do what Christ would do.
First Peter 2:21 says, “To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.”
To be a genuine follower of Christ is to live out the example He provided for us. Just as He suffered for us, we may have to suffer for Him and for others. It will cost you to get out of your home, travel to the hospital and spend time at the bedside of a sick friend. It will cost you to bring meals to a sick friend’s home. It will cost you to actually, truly care and love and serve and help.
But it will make an immeasurable impact in the lives of others, and will fulfill you more than anything this world could ever offer.
Are you following Christ’s example? Are you walking in His steps? What changes will you make today to put you into His footsteps to be an authentic follower?
Scotty
October 27, 2010 at 6:02 pm
Great blog post Scotty! I totally agree that Christians have a lot to learn in this area.
However, there are a few thoughts and questions that surface as I read. Did your friend maintain *any* friendship with his Christian friends since leaving his faith? if not, how long had it been since the relationships were dropped? These are not excuses for ignoring a friend but there is a level of awkwardness about stepping into the lives of hurting friends after even a few years of separation. I think of this because I went through it in the past two years where a 'past close friend' went through terrible suffering. I tried to be there but it really didn't work. It was awkward and strained. When does supporting become intruding.
I ask these things not as a challenge or even because I think these questions can be answered. They are personal struggles I deal with in these situations and if you have insights to share, maybe I can learn from what your friend went through.
October 27, 2010 at 6:40 pm
James 'Scotty' ~
wow. what a profound post. yes, I can relate on both sides of the issue. I believe what we see in the body of Christ right now, is what the Word refers too – as in the last days – the love of many will 'wax cold'. & there will be a great falling away. I see this especially in the youth of today. If young people are involved it is generally a very large church where they can get lost in the numbers and have no one to be accountable too – day to day. Thank you. Great post! very real. very sad but true.
October 28, 2010 at 12:06 am
You're welcome, glad you enjoyed it and thanks for sharing your comments!
October 28, 2010 at 12:14 am
Thanks Trudy. With regard to my friend, yes he maintained his connections with everyone; they were a little weaker in not seeing others as often through church, but he had not broken ties with his Christian friends. That's why he got a few calls and cards. I think even in "past relationships" a Christian simply needs to step up and communicate loving concern; if the other person doesn't want to accept it, then that's their choice. far too often we see excuses from the church about truly stepping up to love, serve, care, give in a real way rather than pecking at the edges and sending a cheap card in place of authentic Christlike love and concern. I understand some situations may not be easy, but as the verse in 1 Peter mentions following Christ may require suffering, it's never been about ease. I hope you worked through your situation with your "past friend"!
October 28, 2010 at 5:18 am
I think it is sad that he didn't receive the love, care and support from his christian friends that he did from his non-christian friends.
I don't think in any circumstance that it is ok to ignore or offer support to a hurting friend. But I also think that we set ourselves up as failures when we classify ourselves as christian friends compared to non-christian friends.
No matter your belief in God….A friend is a friend. Through good and bad. So yes in some circumstances the godless are more godly. Question though when the "godless" are loving like God…even if they aren't saved….Is God working through them?
October 28, 2010 at 4:53 pm
Well, Theresa, there is a difference between a Christian friend and a non-Christian friend. Christian friends share the grace of God, a very real family connection being brothers and sisters in Christ, and the responsibility given to us by Christ to love one another in a very dramatic way. While non-Christian friendships share similar traits, the bond of Christ is a real and significant differentiating factor … at least, it's supposed to be. The problem was, it wasn't in my friend's case. Jesus' idea was that our love for each other would be a shining light to the rest of the world.
Your question, "is God working through them?" is a great question, and more likely than not He is. God accomplishes His will through both the godly and the ungodly, though it is His desire that His children be faithful Ambassadors for Him. When they aren't, He has used other sources.
Good thoughts Theresa, thanks for sharing!
October 31, 2010 at 4:02 pm
Scotty,
Thanks for sharing. I think it's really important other Christians see how much we need to reach out to others.
I've had a hard year – I've lost a few friends to suicide and a niece to drug overdose. But unfortunately some of my closest(Christian) friends turned on me after I suffered the death of 4 friends, plus my niece within a month. Those friends turned on me because I did not have the resources to get help from all I was going through. I've been so hurt by the church overall that my family does not go anymore. I want to find another church again and I'm thankful for the newer Christian friends who have reached out. It's taking me a long time to heal more from the damage of my former friends than the deaths (besides 2 that made a huge impact, including a suicide). I can only say the reason why I'm still walking with the Lord is because I know He hasn't abandoned me through it all. People let us down, but God never does.
Your post is definitely a challenge to me to stay faithful to God and keep reaching out to others (there's more to my story than I can say here) in spite of what's happened to me. God bless.
October 31, 2010 at 8:35 pm
Christine, I'm very sorry to hear of all the tragic loss you've had to endure recently, as well as for the lack of support from your Christian community. Unfortunately, such behavior is far too prevalent in the church. However, the good news is that there are some fantastic people out there in biblical, living thriving churches. I want to encourage you to seek out a living, Bible believing and Bible teaching church and build new relationships and fellowships that will endure. Life sometimes can be brutal, and very sadly, not always will there be someone to stand by you. But if you work at sinking deep roots in an authentic Christian community, more often than not there will be. And, of course, God never forsakes us! I'll be praying for you!