The strangers we live with …

Why do so many marriages fail, so many families fight, and so few friendships last for the long term?

Because the people we say we love (even cherish) the most are often the people who get the least direct attention from us.

In the job place, we have the Monday morning meeting where we sit down and talk with each other. We listen, coordinate, discuss, and support. When there are problems, we close the office door and have a very focused conversation. At work we plan together, problem-solve together, even play together. We invest ourselves directly with the people we work closely with.

But at home with the spouse and kids, most of our conversations occur while we’re doing something else. When we’re washing dishes, we ask about school. While we’re watching TV, we get snippets of what’s going on with each other. While we’re doing chores or driving to complete the next errand we gather another few sentences about each other’s lives. And when we do sit down and talk, it’s often with each person texting or checking emails on their smartphones and not even looking directly at the person they’re supposedly having the primary conversation with.

If you want to add depth, dimension, and an intimacy that bonds to your most valued relationships, make time for uninterrupted, real conversation.

Turn off the cell phones.

Turn off the TV.

Even turn off the music.

Sit down and look directly at the other person or persons, and just talk.

Ask real questions. Share real information. Offer real encouragement. Provide real support. Express real love.

There is something powerful about looking a person directly in the eye and listening intensely to them in a conversation that is devoted to them.

When was the last time your children got that kind of focused attention from you? When did your spouse last feel so valued with that kind of attention? How long has it been since your best friend saw you put aside everything to listen and link to them?

Now turn off your computer, and go have a conversation with someone!

Scotty