Flying with aloha …

There was a flash of panic in her eyes, which quickly gave way to resignation.

At the time, I was leading the largest home healthcare agency in the state of Hawaii. The business had a behavioral health division, and that department was one of the largest providers of behavioral health services to the Hawaii public school system.

On the airplane, sitting in a seat by a window in the first class section, was none other than the Superintendent of the Hawaii State Department of Education. She had increasingly been very hostile to service providers, and we service providers were challenging the poor level of services and politics of the public school system. I was a leading voice for the providers, she was the voice of the Department of Education.

The open seat next to her was mine.

As soon as I sat down and settled in, the Superintendent turned to me and, with a mixture of grace and surrender, said, “Okay, you’ve got me cornered. Ask me anything you want, I’m sure you have plenty to say.”

We locked eyes.

What I saw was a woman who had clawed her way out of a classroom and up the political ladder within the state’s Department of Education to being the boss. I didn’t like some of her policies, or much of her politics, but I didn’t view her as an enemy. What I did see was a woman who was used to being a punching bag by an assortment of special interests. Whether what she did was right or wrong, being in her position meant she would have someone unhappy with her most of the time. Because of that, she instinctively thought her window seat beside me meant she would be at the mercy of a foe who had her cornered.

“I’m not here to pick on you,” I answered, and then pivoted with a question, “Where are you headed?”

The Superintendent first looked surprised at the question asked, then relieved. She explained she was on her way to present an award to a teacher on the island of Maui. I probed about the who, what, and why, and that resulted in the lady telling multiple stories.

More questions followed. How long have you been Superintendent? Do you ever miss the classroom? Your position must demand a lot of your time …

That led to learning how her responsibilities often pulled her away from her family, followed by pictures of her family.

Before we knew it, it was time to prepare for our descent, the short flight was nearly over.

As we prepared to disembark, I turned to the Superintendent and said, “I really enjoyed our time together, thanks for sharing your story with me. You may have thought the enemy was sitting down this morning, but I’m not your enemy. My company is committed to providing the very best services we can to the same children you care about. I’ll always welcome a chance to sit down with you and talk about that, but I won’t take advantage of a captive audience. I’ve appreciated the chance just to get you know you better.”

She responded with a long, studied look. Then she reached into her purse and withdrew an ink pen and a business card.

While jotting a number on the back of the card she said, “I’m putting my cell phone number on the back of my business card. If you ever need to get ahold of me, just give me a call and I’d be happy to talk with you.”

A situation would later arise when I needed to make that call, and the Superintendent answered. She listened, and we worked together to a mutually beneficial outcome.

That’s a call I could never have made had I taken advantage of the Superintendent literally being cornered on our flight together. Instead of “leveraging an opportunity,” I used the time to demonstrate to the Superintendent I wasn’t out to harm her, even if there were times I publicly didn’t support her. When she believed my intent wasn’t to hurt her, and I was willing to help her in ways I could, she lowered her protective wall and engaged with me, professionally and personally.

That short flight from Oahu to Maui helped reinstill in me a good lesson about how to treat a “cornered enemy” — love them.

Scotty