Coping with grief …

To lose someone out of your life that you love dearly can be life-shattering, and the grief that follows can be some of the deepest pain you’ll ever experience.

Initially, life doesn’t go on the same when we lose someone. Most of us do not react to loss like the story of one woman as told in “Today in the Word”:

Edith Rockefeller McCormick, the daughter of John D. Rockefeller, maintained a large household staff. She applied one rule to every servant without exception: They were not permitted to speak to her. The rule was broken only once, when word arrived at the family’s country retreat that their young son had died of scarlet fever. The McCormicks were hosting a dinner party, but following a discussion in the servants’ quarters it was decided that Mrs. McCormick needed to know right away. When the tragic news was whispered to her, she merely nodded her head and the party continued without interruption.

When we lose someone we love, life’s party doesn’t continue without interruption. Quite the contrary, the grief that follows can be such an interruption to our lives that it is important to find a way to cope through the initial pain of separation. There are some practical things you can do to help you cope as you grieve the loss of a loved one:

1. Feel what you feel. Sadness and sorrow are normal, healthy, and appropriate responses to loss. Allow yourself to feel and express your emotions.

2. Express yourself. Talking to a family member, friend, pastor, or trusted counselor can help soothe painful emotions.

3. Maintain your routine as much as possible. There may be a temptation to crawl into bed and just stay there. That is fodder for diving deeply into depression, which can be dangerous for you. While it may be helpful, almost necessary, to slow down, rest, or take a break from non-essentials for a while, try to maintain as normal a routine as possible. Whether it’s going for a daily walk, doing some weekly gardening, or other basic activities that make up a regular schedule, try to maintain your “normal” routine as much as possible.

4. Maintain a healthy sleep pattern. When grieving, we may have the temptation to want to sleep too much (avoidance), or struggle with being able to sleep. To keep yourself on balance, it is important to do everything you can to maintain a healthy sleep pattern. Loss of sleep can directly affect your rational thinking and emotions and further drain your already depleted energy, and too much sleep can be a negative attempt to avoid your new reality.

5. Eat healthy and exercise. Grieving strongly impacts us physically. To avoid being physically overwhelmed by your loss, it is vital that you not indulge in junk food meals, but instead, eat healthy and make sure you’re exercising several days each week. Physical activity and exercise will directly help alleviate feelings of anxiety and stress over your loss, will boost your energy level, and will help you think more clearly.

6. Avoid the temptation to “numb the pain.” Some people turn to alcohol and other things in an attempt to dull the pain of their loss. But once the temporary effects of such things wear off, you can find yourself in the depths of despair. While it can be painful to face the truth of your loss, working through the pain is the way to eventually overcome it.

7. Lean on God. Let God embrace you, He cares and desires to comfort you! “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed,” Psalm 34:18. Cry out to God in prayer and draw close to Him, He will strengthen and uphold you while gradually leading you to recovery.

8. Don’t hesitate to see a counselor. A skilled Christian counselor can help you through the jumble of thoughts and emotions as you respond to loss.

Time doesn’t have any healing power, but it’s important to know that grieving takes time, and the process is different for every person. Some process their grief more quickly and rationally than others; some battle an onslaught of emotions, anxiety, and depression. But it’s critical to trust God to lead you through grieving to a new day. Scott Roberts tells a story that illustrates this very point …

The trip was unplanned. I had received a phone call from a close friend telling me his 15-year-old daughter was about to die. In a few short hours, my family and I were on the road for a grueling 24 continuous hours of driving in order to be with my friend and his family.

While driving and praying and crying I looked out my window somewhere in southern Washington and saw the train tracks near the river in the valley below. On the tracks sat rusty old boxcars, one after another, when suddenly, a series of cars brightened up that morning sky. They had been hit by graffiti artists, but instead of the normal tagging so common in the inner city, these were truly works of art. Each car was decorated with beautiful colors. Each car stepped off the tracks and opened up a new world of possibility and color. At that moment, I remember being struck by the raw beauty painted upon the rusty shells of the old cars.

Death, loss, grief and such are like that. For the longest time they seem just that – dreary and blah. They take their toll on our souls and rightly so. But then, God is able to shine into the darkness and paint new pictures over our pain, over our suffering, over our crying and tears, and he uses that new scene to comfort others who are coming into their own dark places.

We comfort with the comfort we ourselves have received. Does the pain disappear? No, the rusty veneer is still beneath. But does hope grant us a new vantage point from which to see and serve? Certainly. This is the wonder of the gospel. Death is swallowed up in victory and light triumphs over darkness.

“He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us” (2 Corinthians 1:4, NLT).

As you face loss and experience grief, be patient with yourself, and take care of yourself.

Scotty