Do good anyway …

We all want to be loved.

Not only is there nothing wrong with that, God has wired us with a desire to be loved AND to love others. Being loved and loving others is one of the greatest experiences of being a human being.

But there’s an odd truth that comes along with this great longing of the soul … if you love others, and therefore do good to others because you love them, some people won’t like you because of your good deeds! That’s a key observation from multiple studies reported on by Olivia Solon in Wired UK:

Unselfish workers who are the first to offer to help with projects are among those that co-workers like the least, according to four separate social psychology studies.

In the most recent study, entitled “The Desire to Expel Unselfish Members from the Group,” psychologists found that unselfish colleagues come to be resented because they “raise the bar” for what’s expected of everyone. As a result, workers feel the new standard will make everyone else look bad.

“It doesn’t matter that the overall welfare of the group or the task at hand is better served by someone’s unselfish behavior. What is objectively good, you see as subjectively bad,” said study co-author Craig Parks of Washington State University. The paper was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

When we live “in the flesh,” we have a natural desire to want to pull people down to our level, at least so that they don’t “raise the bar” for the rest of us. We also can allow envy to stir us to keep people down to our level so they don’t have or experience more than we do.

But rest assured, if you love people, and thereby do good to them for their best interest, you can count on some people hating you for it.

Yes, hating you for it …

“If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first. The world would love you as one of its own if you belonged to it, but you are no longer part of the world. I chose you to come out of the world, so it hates you,” John 15:18-19.

So if we are hated by people because we love them and do good for them, how are we supposed to respond to their negative reaction?

Do good anyway.

“But to you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you,” Luke 6:27-28.

Our loving others and doing good for others has nothing to do with how we’re treated for doing so; it’s not about “I’ll love you if you love me” …

“If someone slaps you on one cheek, offer the other cheek also. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also. Give to anyone who asks; and when things are taken away from you, don’t try to get them back. Do to others as you would like them to do to you. If you love only those who love you, why should you get credit for that? Even sinners love those who love them! And if you do good only to those who do good to you, why should you get credit? Even sinners do that much! And if you lend money only to those who can repay you, why should you get credit? Even sinners will lend to other sinners for a full return. Love your enemies! Do good to them. Lend to them without expecting to be repaid. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked. You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate,” Luke 6:29-36.

Our instinct in the flesh is to treat people according to how they treat us. God teaches us to love others unconditionally. This great lesson is reflected in an article by Stephanie Morrow published in College Professor in 2009:

… a Vietnam teen received the right to legally change his name from Mai Phat Sau Nghin Ruoi, which translates to “Fined Six Thousand and Five Hundred.” Named after the fine his father had to pay for having a fifth child, Fined Six Thousand and Five Hundred’s dad finally agreed to help him change his name to something more traditional after his son continued to be teased in school. Fined Six Thousand and Five Hundred’s new name is Mai Hoang Long, which translates to Golden Dragon.

A name, if it is given any meaning, should reflect something positive about the one holding it. Unfortunately, this father chose to give his son a name that reflected his own misgivings about his birth. The name he chose made it clear that it was all about how his son made him feel. Although we don’t use names this way in the West, we do tend to think of others in terms of how they make us feel. This marks one of the biggest differences between the way we love others and the way God loves us. When God calls us His “beloved,” it’s not because we have done anything to make Him feel that way. It’s because He loves us, no matter how we make Him feel.

“This is real love — not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins,” 1 John 4:10.

What to do when people dislike you, even hate you, for your love and good deeds?

Do good anyway.

Scotty