Developing a joint vision for your marriage …

“Vision” is one of the most used words, and most discussed concepts, among church leaders. Many leaders would say you cannot lead a church well without a vision for that church.

What about a vision for a marriage?

For many years now, I’ve been teaching couples the importance of developing a vision for their marriage. For couples preparing for marriage, this has been a powerful activity to help them have a collaborative direction for starting their union; and for couples experiencing marital distress, this has helped them build something new and better than what lay in ruins behind them. Developing a joint vision for a marriage helps couples answer the question asked in Amos 3:3 …

“Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” – Amos 3:3.

David Cranford tells a story that helps us further with the value of vision …

The first time I went snow skiing, I was overwhelmed. What does a flat-footed, flat-landed swamp boy from Louisiana know about snow skiing? I thought the only way I was ever going to come down that mountain was in the ski patrol bone bucket. Thankfully, I discovered ski school. Ski school met on the bunny slope, which I considered to be a bit of an insult. But I went anyway, because I really needed the schooling. I discovered that not only could I stand up on skis, I could actually slide down the slope!

The problem with snow skiing is not sliding downhill, it’s turning and stopping. My ski school instructor, named Ian or Lars or something like that, soon got to teaching me how to turn. He said, “turn right,” and I would twitch and jerk right, but not turn. Ian or Lars said, “Just look to the right,” not understanding how that might help, I did it anyway. Sure enough, when I just looked to the right, I began to turn to the right. Same thing with turning left. “Just look to the left,” Ian or Lars said. Bam, I went left. In fact, wherever I looked, that’s the direction I went.

Vision is looking down the road where God wants you to go. When you look there, guess what happens? You will naturally go there. Look down the road in the direction God wants you to go and you will go there, every time.

The concept of developing a “vision” doesn’t mean gaining some mystical view of one’s future or life. Rather, it is developing a direction, pursuit, or set of goals and objectives to provide guidance for living. Developing a “joint vision” for a marriage is the purposeful act of a couple working collaboratively to consciously make decisions about who they want to be as a couple, and how they want to live.

In fact, in developing a joint vision for a marriage, a couple should consider these two questions: (1) Who is it that we, and God, would want us to be as a couple? and (2) How is it that we, and God, would want us to live?

Those are general questions that require the consideration of many factors that make up our lives, such as:

Spiritually.

Intellectually.

Socially.

Physically.

Emotionally.

Sexually.

Financially.

Professionally.

Service to others.

Recreational interests.

Giftedness (spiritually, and otherwise).

As parents.

As grandparents.

The means of developing a joint vision for a marriage can vary by couple. Some steps to consider are:

Prayer. Seek God’s will for you as a couple.

Bible study. Look to the Bible for guidance in each area of life … how are you doing at meeting the biblical standard?

Dream. What are your interests and desires? Which are the desires that are Christ-honoring, “in tune” with Scripture, and are positive?

Dialogue. A joint vision is a collaboration, a sharing together. It is made up of interests of both parties in the couple, focusing and finalizing on the mutual interests.

If you’ve never developed a joint vision for your marriage, now is a good time to do so! A church leader or competent, skilled Christian counselor can help you if needed.

Scotty