Talking our way out of harmony …

To live in harmony is more than a pleasant idea, it’s a human need.

In fact, as human beings, we need to be in harmony with:

• • Our environment (home, work, school, church, etc.).
  • Others.
  • Self.
  • God.

So why aren’t we?

The primary reason why we so often fail to live in harmony is because of our own negative self-talk.

It’s true that we’re always talking to ourselves, and much of what we have to say is either irrational or negative. To understand how dramatically such self-talk impacts our lives, take this into account: Our thoughts create our emotions, and our thoughts and emotions together create our behavior.

So if our self-talk is predominately irrational or negative, that will craft corresponding emotions and behaviors.

You might say, then, that we’re talking ourselves right out of harmony!

Fortunately, our self-talk isn’t in control of us, we’re actually in control of it. With a hefty dose of self-discipline (2 Tim. 1:7), we can learn to be more aware of what we’re saying to ourselves, and with this heightened awareness we can redirect our self-talk to more rational thinking.

Some people seem to have difficulty thinking rationally or positively even when tuned in to what they’re saying to themselves, so what more can we do to help improve the content of our self-talk?

REMEMBER YOU’RE A CHRISTIAN

Whenever you’re weak, and whatever you’re weak with, God is strong!

You don’t have to take on your difficulties alone, that even includes dealing with your own thoughts. In fact, God specifically wants to change how you think!

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect,” Romans 12:2.

“Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy,” Ephesians 4:23-24.

Remember that the Holy Spirit has taken up residence in you, so you can learn to yield your self-talk to His power, which will transform your thinking to not only the more rational, but the more holy!

It’s difficult (not impossible, but more difficult) to be irrational and negative (or, at least, as negative) when having a conversation with God, so prayer can be a great help when trying to redirect your self-talk. Take what you’re saying to yourself and share it in conversation with God! Chances are, you’ll quickly see your thoughts become more rational and less negative.

Another help for taking on irrational and negative thinking is searching the scriptures for truth. There’s nothing like a dose of truth to douse rambling negative thoughts, and the Bible is where we find truth. Reading, studying, and meditating on the Word of God helps renew our minds to think more like Jesus.

COGNITIVE RESTRUCTURING

When you realize you’re thinking irrationally, you want to dispute those thoughts. To help you do that, here are some suggestions from my latest book, “The Temperament and Cognitive-Behavioral Workbook”:

Use a Thought Record. You can use a Thought Record worksheet, or simply take a piece of paper and work through the following:

Socratic questioning. Socratic questioning is disciplined questioning that can be used to pursue thought in many directions and for many purposes, including: to explore complex ideas, to get to the truth of things, to open up issues and problems, to uncover assumptions, to analyze concepts, to distinguish what we know from what we don’t know, to follow out logical implications of thought or to control the discussion. You can use this method of disputing irrational thoughts and cognitive distortions with Socratic questioning such as:

• • What is the evidence for this thought? Against it?
  • Am I basing this thought on facts or on feelings?
  • Could I be misinterpreting the evidence? Am I making any assumptions?
  • Might other people have different interpretations of this same situation? What are they?
  • Am I looking at all the evidence, or just what supports my thought?
  • Could my thought be an exaggeration of what’s true?
  • Am I having this thought out of habit, or do the facts support it?
  • Did someone pass this thought/belief to me? If so, are they a reliable source?
  • Is my thought a likely scenario, or is it the worst case scenario?

Decatastrophizing. This technique consists of confronting the worst-case scenario of a feared event or object, using mental imagery to examine whether the effects of the event or object have been overestimated (magnified or exaggerated) and where the person’s coping skills have been underestimated. Decatastrophizing is also called the “what if” technique, because the worst-case scenario is confronted by asking: “What if the feared event or object happened, what would occur then?” Questions to ask in this technique include:

• • What is the catastrophe I’m worried about?
  • How likely is this event to happen? Has anything this bad ever happened to you before? How often does this kind of thing happen to you? Realistically, is this likely to happen now?
  • How awful would it be if this did happen? What is the worst case scenario? What is the best case scenario? What would a friend say to me about my worry?
  • Just supposing the worst did happen, what would I do to cope? Has anything similar happened before? How did I cope then? Who or what could I call to help me get through it? What resources, skills, or abilities would be helpful to me if it did happen?
  • What positive and reassuring thing do you want to say to yourself about the “catastrophe” now?

Putting thoughts on trial. In this technique, you will put irrational thoughts or cognitive distortions on trial by taking on three roles: first, as “defense attorney,” you will defend your thoughts; then, as “prosecutor” you will make arguments against the thoughts, and finally as “judge” you will render a verdict. Here’s an example of putting thoughts on trial:

Reframing your thoughts. This technique is learning how to direct self-talk to achieve rational results:

• • Step One: Identify/clarify your current circumstances without cognitive distortions.
  • Step Two: Honestly acknowledge your emotions.
  • Step Three: Apply context. Focus on realities rationally … eliminate any cognitive distortions or defective systems.
  • Step Four: Apply your faith: Is there any direct biblical teaching for guidance? If there isn’t any direct biblical teaching for guidance, what biblical principles are there for guidance? Ask yourself, “What would Jesus do?” in the exact same circumstances. What glorifies God the most? Pray for guidance and wisdom.
  • NOW respond.

Challenging core beliefs. Some people develop negative core beliefs, which then become a source of fueling their minds with negative, and sometimes harmful thoughts. When a person has developed negative core beliefs, they need to be disputed just like disputing irrational thoughts and cognitive distortions. The same techniques can be used.

You don’t have to live a life lacking harmony, regardless of your circumstances! Learn to become more aware of your self-talk, dispute irrational thinking, redirect negative thoughts, and rely on God to empower you to do that, and to ultimately transform your mind.

Scotty