Overcoming excuses for not seeing a counselor …

Human beings are skilled at generating excuses for not doing what they know they should do … or doing what they know they shouldn’t!

The problem with that is excuses cause or perpetuate failure, they keep us from doing what we know we should or could. Mike Lupica, writing for Esquire Magazine, uses the life of Deion Sanders to address the issue of excuse-making …

Deion “Prime Time” Sanders, outfielder for the Atlanta Braves and cornerback for the Atlanta Falcons, is the only athlete to have hit a Major League home run and scored an NFL touchdown in the same week. Sanders grew up on the mean streets of Fort Myers, Fla., where exposure to some would-be athletes spurred him to make a success of himself. He explains: “I call them Idas. ‘If I’da done this, I’d be making three million today … If I’da practiced a little harder, I’d be a superstar.’ They were as fast as me when they were kids, but instead of working for their dreams they chose drugs and a life of street corners. When I was young, I had practice; my friends who didn’t went straight to the streets and never left. That moment after school is the moment we need to grab. We don’t need any more Idas.

Even when life is the most troublesome and problematic, and it’s overwhelmingly obvious that we need help, we’re still capable of rationalizing why we don’t, especially from a professional clinical therapist. Some of the many excuses people make for not seeing a counselor when they really should include:

“I can’t afford it.” For many people, this is not an excuse, it’s a reality. It’s also a key reason why organizations like Scott Free Clinic exists – the ministry I lead has a key focus of eliminating the barrier of cost to provide the critical services people need. In addition, many counselors offer a “sliding scale” fee system to help make counseling sessions more affordable, some counseling is covered by some insurance, and sometimes churches, family, and friends will help people cover costs they can’t pay. The central point here is, when you need help, use the resources available to you, and if that’s not enough, seek help from the people in your life who care about you. It’s critical to not let costs keep you from getting the clinical help you need.

“I don’t have time.” When it comes to keeping your life together, you don’t NOT have time to get the help you need.

“I can’t find a counselor.” For some people, this is an excuse — they’re too lazy to look. Most populated areas will have adequate mental health services available. However, in smaller cities, towns, and rural areas, this can be a real problem. However, this again is an example of when ministries like Scott Free Clinic helps to solve a real problem by being able to provide services through technology. Once fully launched, Scott Free Clinic can minister to anyone who can get online so that we can both talk to AND see them via the internet. Even rural areas today usually offer adequate internet services.

“Only crazy people go to therapy.” A terrible excuse, because all of us know this isn’t true! Even the most well-balanced, successful people experience reasons why they sometimes need the help of a competent, skilled therapist (see my blog post on who should see a counselor by clicking here).

“I can do it on my own.” This kind of statement is usually made by someone who has tried getting through life on their own and have already failed. No man is island to themselves, we all need help at times in our lives, that’s a normal reality of life! So, when you need help, get it!

“Going to counseling is a sign of weakness.” Having so much pride you won’t admit you need help is a great weakness that can ruin your life. Everyone needs help in life at some point, if not often!

“I can talk to a friend. I don’t understand how talking to a stranger can help.” Often the counsel from a trusted friend is more than adequate to help us with challenges in life. And sometimes it’s not. Sometimes, we have to have the help of a highly educated, trained, and experienced clinician to help us overcome the troubles we face. When the help of a friend isn’t enough, see a professional!

“I don’t believe just talking can do any good.” Talking can often accomplish a great deal of good, but spending time with a skilled therapist is more than having a conversation. Counseling provides a way for us to understand who we are and how we relate to the world around us. In counseling we focus our attention on aspects of our experience that we may have been previously unaware of. This provides new ways of looking at our problems and this often gives us new ways to handle these problems.

“My problems aren’t that big.” Maybe they aren’t too big now, but ignoring them can quickly result in their becoming serious issues in our lives. Don’t wait until an issue results in your life being out of control before getting professional help; instead, get the help now when the problem is more easily manageable.

“I can tough it out.” Trying to do that can result in more pain, and potentially permanent damage to your life, than if you sought the help of a skilled therapist.

“It sounds like too much work.” Let’s be blunt, effective counseling is real work on the part of a person seeing a counselor. To experience real life change, YOU have to make real changes! But a competent therapist can help guide you each step of the way and be a key support and expert guide through all the changes you’ll need to make.

“No one can help me.” If you adopt a stance of hopelessness, then others can’t help you. But there is no human being who is beyond hope or help if they really want to change and are willing to accept help in changing their lives.

Fear and shame. This can be a tough one for someone to overcome regarding needing to see a counselor because the thinking is so dark and very irrational. The fear can be alleviated by just being willing to try, and if you don’t like the counselor or the process, you don’t have to continue. All of us have had to push through shame and allow ourselves to be vulnerable at times. Fear and shame are quickly overcome with a professional who can assure them they are there for their best interests and to help them.

Distrust. Just as some people don’t trust doctors, some people don’t trust therapists. Trust in any relationship, including one with a counselor, is something that is built through experience. If at any time a person thinks a counselor hasn’t earned their trust, they can terminate the counseling relationship and see a different mental health professional.

Practical barriers. These are real challenges (such as transportation, child care, work or school schedules, ability to pay) that too many people allow to be excuses because they don’t try to overcome them. By seeking resources, especially relationships in our lives, we more often than not can overcome practical barriers to get the help we need, we just have to be willing to work at overcoming such barriers.

Avoidance. Trying to ignore the problems in your life won’t make them go away, such avoidance often just makes your problems worse.

Anyone can find an excuse to not go to counseling. Many of us have real challenges to being able to see a therapist, but most people can get the professional help they need if they’re willing to do what it takes to get it. Key is knowing that getting that help is worth it, as it will likely be life-changing in a positive way. If you need to see a counselor and have been making excuses for not doing so, let me encourage you to have the courage to abandon your excuses and seek the healing and wholeness in Christ that can be yours by getting any professional help needed.

Scotty