Confused by love …

What might you hear from a small group of Millennials, all close friends, as they sit around a table with various concoctions of coffee and snacks and talk about love?

A lot of confusion!

At least, that’s what I heard just last week while getting some work done at an all-night coffee shop. Next to me were three females and two guys whose friendly banter had stumbled upon the topic of love. One of the females was certain there’s only one kind of love, which is romantic love.

“But …” countered her chief male protagonist, “… what about how you love your mom?”

Okay, the female quickly conceded, she loved her mother differently than how she would love a boyfriend or husband.

But then, she countered, there is a kind of “friendship love.” At that point, the other females chimed in, with all the ladies agreeing there were only about two people in their lives they considered to be real friends for whom they would do absolutely anything; everyone else held a lesser value in their lives.

I found that to be fascinating, as it sounded like there was very little capacity to be sacrificial for many people in their lives if only a couple of people could be loved to such a degree.

As the conversation continued, the content became even more confusing.

I don’t think it’s only Millennials who find themselves confused by love.

So let’s take a minute together to review four kinds of love that are distinguishable in our relationships:

“Eros” is that romantic or sexual love the feisty female was originally claiming was “real love.” Simply put, this is the kind of love that describes the arousal of physical attraction between a man and woman. As young Millennials are often consumed with the world of dating, it’s not surprising this was immediately how the one female identified love. But there’s much more to love than just physical attraction. That’s not to denigrate eros as impure or sinful — although it can be made to be — but rather, this kind of love is a gift from God to married couples as a unique expression of love between one another.

“Storge” would be the kind of love the male mentioned when referring to loving mom. Storge is a familial love, that special love we experience among our kinship, the kind of love reserved for our family.

“Phileo” or “philia” is that brotherly love we have for friends, which the females around the table said they held for just a couple people in their lives. Yet, friendship love is often some of the strongest bonds of love we experience throughout life.

What was never mentioned specifically around this table of Millennials, although the one fellow was kind of searching for, is the last but greatest of the four loves, known as “agape” love, typically known as a “self-sacrificing” love. It’s the kind of love God expresses for us, and His children are supposed to express for others. It really takes knowing God to know, and be able to express, agape love.

Famed theologian, J. I. Packer, expounded on agape love in his book, “Your Father Loves You” (Harold Shaw Publishers, 1986), as follows:

The Greek word agape (love) seems to have been virtually a Christian invention — a new word for a new thing (apart from about twenty occurrences in the Greek version of the Old Testament, it is almost non-existent before the New Testament). Agape draws its meaning directly from the revelation of God in Christ. It is not a form of natural affection, however intense, but a supernatural fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22). It is a matter of will rather than feeling (for Christians must love even those they dislike – Mt. 5:44-48). It is the basic element in Christ-likeness.

Whether someone is friend, family, or foe, agape love is the kind of love Christians are supposed to have and express for everyone.

Is that your experience?

Or are you also among those confused by love?

If you were to pull up a chair and join the conversation, how would describe love?

Scotty