Let’s bust a myth about forgiveness …

When it comes to conflict, human beings have their minds and hearts naturally inclined for revenge. The first thing we want to do when someone wrongs us in some way is to strike back.

That’s what Warren Buffett, one of the world’s richest men, wanted to do — and did! — according to this report from the staff of grunge.com:

In 1962, Buffett began buying stock in textile conglomerate Berkshire Hathaway. However, with the price per share in steady decline, Buffett and Hathaway chairman Seabury Stanton made an oral agreement that Stanton would buy back Buffet’s shares at $11 1/2 per share. But when Stanton presented the contract in writing, Buffet noticed that the price had been reduced to $11 3/8. If you don’t understand the stock market, just know that, in that scene, 1/8 of a dollar is a lot to squawk about.

Insulted by Stanton’s undercutting, Buffet responded by … buying more stock. So much stock, in fact, he became majority owner of the company. His first act of business? Fire Stanton.

Buffett has since described the buyout as both an act of spite and the “dumbest” investment he’d ever made.

Revenge represents an investment of emotional and spiritual resources; the poorest investment of emotional and spiritual resources. Revenge is something scripture clearly warns us against:

“You have heard the law that says the punishment must match the injury: ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say, do not resist an evil person! If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also,” Matthew 5:38-39.

“Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, ‘I will take revenge; I will pay them back,’ says the Lord,” Romans 12:17-19.

In God’s economy, our default response to someone who wrongs us is supposed to be to forgive the other person …

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you,” Ephesians 4:31-32.

God takes our forgiving others as a serious matter …

“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins,” Matthew 6:14-15.

Notice in the passage in Ephesians 4 that we’re given instruction about how to forgive: “… forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you” (Eph. 4:32).

Here’s the myth about forgiveness we get to bust together …

You’ll routinely hear taught, and often see memes splashed all over social media sites, that we should forgive others for our own well-being, for our own peace of mind, to “set ourselves free.” But that is not how Jesus forgave us!

Jesus didn’t forgive us so He could have “peace of mind” about our rebellion toward Him with our sins. Jesus forgave us as an act of love and grace toward us; it was in our best interest, and something we don’t deserve.

To “forgive” someone for your own peace of mind is just another selfish act that really doesn’t settle anything at a heart level … it’s not an act of love, it’s an act of self-comfort. But to extend genuine forgiveness as an act of love, when someone thoroughly does not deserve it, is to forgive others like Jesus forgave us. Look at the example of Jesus …

“But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners,” Romans 5:8.

“For since our friendship with God was restored by the death of his Son while we were still his enemies, we will certainly be saved through the life of his Son,” Romans 5:10.

While enemies of God, still steeped in our sins, God showed His great love for us by providing a Savior, Jesus Christ, who would offer His life as the perfect sacrifice for our sins. While we were still sinners, God was working to reconcile us to Him!

“And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ. And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him. For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation,” 2 Corinthians 5:18-19.

We “wronged” God in the worst of ways by rebelling in sin against Him, yet He responded with love and grace. Now that we have been reconciled to Him, we’re to follow His example: “… forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”

Genuine forgiveness is never a selfish act, but is following God’s example of extending love and grace, specifically when a person least deserves it.

It is true that if you “forgive” someone for your own sake, you might experience a temporary sense of relief. But without forgiveness being an act of love and grace toward the other person, you’ve done little to bring healing or reconciliation to your mind and heart toward them.

So don’t believe the memes that encourage you to “forgive” someone so YOU can have peace. Instead, let the Holy Spirit empower you to act in love (the best interest of the other person) by extending grace and sincerely forgiving them.

Easier said than done? Yes! But do it anyway!

Let me give you one thing that can help you move more quickly toward authentic forgiveness when someone has wronged you: don’t allow the offense to linger in your thoughts.

To help us grasp how lingering on an offense can fuel a desire for revenge, check out this BBC report from Matt McGrath:

The importance of video evidence in courtrooms has grown in tandem with its supply in recent years. As well as the mountains of smartphone recordings, CCTV also routinely captures assaults, robberies, and even murders. Some police officers even wear on-body cameras.

Courts all over the world are willing to accept these recordings in evidence and they are sometimes shown in slow motion to help juries make up their minds about what really happened within the often chaotic environment of a crime scene.

A key point in many murder cases is the intention or otherwise of the accused. So the researchers carried out a number of experiments to determine the impact of slowing down the replay on observers.

In their first study, participants acting as jurors watched a video recording of an attempted robbery of a store, which ended with the shop assistant being shot dead. They were shown either a regular speed or a slowed down version. Watching the slow-motion version quadrupled the odds that these mock jurors would begin their deliberations ready to convict.

The researchers believe that the slow motion version is giving observers the sense that those carrying out the violent acts on tape have more time to think and deliberate – and the observers therefore believe there is more intent in the violent actions.

One unidentified commentator added the following to McGrath’s report:

Watch a tennis match on tv and notice how, just before a commercial break, they will often show one of the players glaring over the net at their opponent. At least that’s the way it appears. Apparently, even sports film crews have learned that a quick glance can be turned into a menacing stare by simply slowing it down.

Don’t allow what ought to be a quick glance to become a long staredown. Deal with life in real time, rather than in the protracted replay of bitterness and resentment. Handle disputes quickly. Do what needs to be done to put it behind you. Don’t spend too much time thinking about an insult or a slight. Don’t allow the sun to set on your anger. Such delays only serve to exaggerate the effect, making reconciliation even more difficult.

Forgiveness is an essential part of the Christian life …

“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others,” Colossians 3:13.

But when we allow God to transform our lives, and fill our lives with the love of Christ, we are enabled by that love to act in grace and forgive others. Is it any wonder, then, that the Apostle Paul added to the scripture above the following exhortation:

“Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony,” Colossians 3:14.

Attempting to forgive someone selfishly, for your own “peace of mind,” will not bring lasting peace of mind! Instead, we must forgive others the same way God through Christ has forgiven us.

Is that how you forgive others? Or do you still believe the myth that forgiveness can be accomplished as an act of selfishness?

Scotty