10 things you can do to nurture a relationship …

I have no idea who it was who came up with a quote often shared via social media memes that claim some relationships are for a lifetime, some just for a season. I think there’s far more nonsense in that statement than truth, but people latch onto it as covering for the failed relationships in their lives.

Most of the relationships people experience that fail don’t do so because they’re “seasonal”; they fail due to lack of nurture.

“A relationship cannot survive on its own. It needs the care and nurturing of two adults, giving to each other in a way that creates a mutually beneficial connection,” says psychotherapist, Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D.

Just as a plant will die if not watered and exposed to adequate sunlight, our relationships (of any kind) die when we fail to nurture them. So let me give you 10 things you can do to nurture the relationships in your life:

1. Make a commitment. We’re not likely to provide nurture to anything — or anyone — we don’t make a commitment to. Without commitment, we depend on a thing to simply exist, and care very little if it doesn’t. Key to nurturing a relationship is to make a commitment to it. Committing to a relationship motivates us to invest in it to ensure it grows, blossoms, and succeeds.

2. Show interest in the other person. Don’t assume your presence or some type of connection communicates interest on your part. Many people make themselves present but display no interest. To nurture a relationship, demonstrate a sincere interest in the other person(s) and your relationship with them. Make sure the combination of your words and actions communicate, “I’m interested in you!”

3. Invest adequate time. You cannot nurture a relationship while simultaneously neglecting it. That means you must invest an adequate amount of time for a relationship to take root, grow, and stay alive.

4. Give attention. When you’re with the other person, provide them with your undivided and undistracted attention. It isn’t just your presence that communicates interest, it’s your attention.

5. Communication is key. Only God can read our minds, and even He wants us to talk to Him (prayer)! That means to have connection and understanding with another human being, we must learn to communicate successfully with others. Anyone can develop effective listening and talking skills so they can communicate effectively and efficiently with other people.

6. Relationships are a collaboration. There’s a false narrative about relationships being all about compromise. People who constantly seek compromise are pursuing ways of getting what they want from another person. Collaboration, though, is about working together to create something that couldn’t exist without both persons contributing to the relationship, and by moving in the same direction together. Relationships that are collaborative seek to build what’s possible by being in relationship with the other person and looking after their interests.

7. Love them. The single greatest message the Bible gives us regarding relating to any other human being is to love them. Without love, attempts to nurture a relationship will eventually fail because they’ll be selfish in nature. Selfishness does not nurture any kind of relationship.

8. Be patient. We can be very impatient with people when we want someone to perform or provide something — but that’s not a relationship. Connecting with another person, getting to know and understand them, and having multiple opportunities to demonstrate sincere interest and care for another takes time. Not always a lot of time, but some patience in allowing connections to take root and grow is necessary with anyone.

9. Be compassionate. It’s not uncommon for people to dislike others who are “needy,” but we all have needs. We all have challenges, trials, and troubles in life and instead of using that as an excuse to check out, instead respond with compassion for the struggles of other people. Sharing the burdens of another person is one of the most effective ways of nurturing a deeper relationship.

10. Forgive. Many people immediately head for exits the first time someone fails them. That’s a shame, because there’s no human being in your life who will not fail you at least once (and usually more than once). Every human being is imperfect, which means they will fail or disappoint you at some point. Learn to forgive, not just because the other person will need your forgiveness, but you’re just as imperfect as everyone else and will need their forgiveness for your failures.

One of the greatest and richest blessings you’ll ever experience in your lifetime are the relationships you make. For those relationships to be the full blessing they can be, you’ll have to nurture them.

How are you at nurturing the different relationships you have in your life?

Scotty