Several things aren’t as hard as leaders make them out to be …

I love preachers, I’ve been one for many years. But it actually annoys me to hear so many of them constantly saying that many things are “hard” when often they are not.

That’s misleading (at least).

When your spiritual leader stands before you and repeatedly tells you that certain things are “hard,” you usually don’t question their assertion. And preachers, when you tell your congregations that something is hard, you immediately plant a negative image of that thing in their minds.

We naturally shy away from the hard to pursue something easier.

Let’s look at some real, very common examples of how leaders (and others, in and outside the church) routinely call certain things “hard”:

“Adulting is hard.” I have almost no pet peeves, but I think use of the phrase “adulting” is becoming one. Do you remember as a kid how you wanted to be an adult? Now that’s a reality, there’s a notable increase in people complaining about “adulting” being hard.

Years ago I counseled someone who was a bright, friendly, energetic extrovert with a zest for life. But she had developed a bad habit she was oblivious to: complaining about “adulting” chores. She would gripe about doing dishes. She would gripe about doing laundry. She would gripe about ironing her clothes. She would gripe about cleaning her house.

If it was an adult responsibility, she would gripe about it!

So in session, we walked through all these and for each I would ask her if the task was hard.

Her response was always no.

It’s not hard to wash dishes (or rinse them off and place them in a dishwasher).

It’s not hard to do laundry.

It’s not hard to iron clothes.

It’s not hard to “clean the house.”

None of the things she was complaining about was literally hard to do … but she complained about them anyway.

The real issue wasn’t that carrying out her adult responsibilities was hard, it was a selfishness issue. She would rather be doing something more comfortable, more indulgent, more entertaining. This seed of selfishness robbed her of a sincerely grateful heart for having dishes to eat off of without ever worrying about missing a meal; or having plenty of clothes to wear (that would need washing and ironing); or having a house to live in.

Can some things relating to being an adult at times be hard? Sure. But we often make easy things — especially easy tasks — harder than they actually are.

“Marriage is hard.” Says who?

When a man and a woman love each other and apply that love to building a collaborative relationship, marriage can be more a joy than anything otherwise!

All the things that pertain to a marriage really aren’t that hard, the real issue is getting beyond your own self-centeredness to consistently love your spouse and live collaboratively with them.

Shaunti Feldhahn is a Christian who is a respected, Harvard-trained researcher. In her book, “The Good News About Marriage,” (you can read my original review of that book here), Feldhahn blows away multiple common myths about marriage, one being that most married people are unhappy.

Not true.

In fact, a majority of married people say they are happy in their marriage.

That’s because marriage often is not as hard as we make it out to be, although we can be very good at making it harder than it has to be!

It is discouraging to single people, though, to hear over and over that “marriage is hard.” Many singles say they hear that so often that it makes them question the value of marriage!

Maybe we need to stop proclaiming marriage as “hard” when for many people it really isn’t as hard as some — especially church leaders — publicly proclaim it to be.

“Change is hard.” Once again, many preachers and various self-proclaimed gurus will tell you immediately and emphatically, “Change is hard!”

If often isn’t.

In fact, there are millions (at the least) of people in this world who long and yearn for change! Instead of change being hard, for many it is exhilarating, welcome, a relief, a blessing, wonderful, exciting, thrilling, positive … anything but hard!

Perhaps some people shy away from change because they’ve always been told it’s hard. Maybe fewer would do that if it wasn’t always misrepresented.

“Living out your Christian faith is hard.” Again, actually consistently living out our faith isn’t so much as issue of difficulty as it is getting beyond our self-centeredness. We also mistake the fact that there’s a difference between following in the footsteps of Jesus (which the Holy Spirit empowers us to do), and the true difficulty of carrying a cross …

“Then he said to the crowd, ‘If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross daily, and follow me,'” Luke 9:23.

Jesus isn’t talking about trapsing around with a literal, heavy wooden cross. The cross we must bear is that which the world foists upon us for faithfully following Jesus. Bearing that cross, and dying to self are key difficulties in living out our faith. But many of the elements that comprise living for Jesus are real joys to experience.

I’m not saying being a Christian is easy, but neither is it always hard, even in trying times.

CONCLUSION
My central point is that these examples, and other things that we (especially leaders), almost by default, call “hard” often aren’t “hard” for many, many people. Branding them as hard is often a discouragement to those who hear such a negative mantra.

Instead of misrepresenting things as being hard, maybe we should be more accurate in our descriptions. Sometimes things will be challenging, but that doesn’t always equate as hard (often doesn’t). And just because there are times of difficulty and trial doesn’t make something hard when those times often don’t last (for some, they do persist).

Can “adulting” sometimes be hard? Yes. It can also often not be “hard.”

Can marriage sometimes be hard? Yes. It can also often not be “hard.”

Can change sometimes be hard? Yes. It can also often not be “hard.”

Can living out your Christian faith sometimes be hard? Yes. It can also often not be “hard.”

If these (and other things) aren’t usually hard, or more hard than not, then why discourage others about them with a default description of them being hard? REMEMBER: Just because WE can often make things harder than they are, doesn’t make them hard … we make them hard! The difference is HUGE!

Is it time to change your default representation of these things?

Scotty