Celebrate Father’s Day? Maybe in heaven …

Father’s Day is not a day I celebrate.

It isn’t that I don’t want to, I certainly don’t have anything against the holiday. I would love to have reason to celebrate Father’s Day, but because I don’t … I don’t.

Of course I had a father, but I never had a “dad.” The man who contributed to my being born was not a decent man. I don’t remember a day not being terrified of him, and he never once threw a ball to me, played a game with me, or read a book out loud for me.

Not once.

When my mother died when I was becoming a teen, I had one of my seven sisters still at home with me and we became so terrified of our father’s behavior we ran down the street and called for help. The state soon formally removed us from his custody. I would spend one other time “at home” with him, but when he became physically abusive to his new wife, the state permanently removed me from his custody. I never saw him again, and he died several years ago.

It struck me some years back, the only remaining chance to know my father as a decent person who would love and receive love is if he was saved from his sins before his death. In that case, maybe in heaven I will finally meet my father in a state worthy of celebrating Father’s Day.

I’m certainly not the only person who didn’t have a decent dad and who doesn’t celebrate Father’s Day. There are many who suffer the deficit of not having a loving, involved father in their home. That really is a significant deficit! In writing for Fatherly, Joshua Krisch describes what science is discovering to be the “Father Effect,” such as:

• The impact of fatherhood is not subjective, but an objective and documented phenomenon. Although motherhood has dominated studies of parenting in the past, researchers are learning more about how to be a good dad and why that matters every day. So far, they know that kids who grow up with a present, engaged dad are less likely to drop out of school or wind up in jail, compared to children with absent fathers and no other male caretakers or role models. When kids have close relationships with father figures, they’re less likely to have sex at a young age and tend to avoid other high-risk behaviors. They’re more likely to have high-paying jobs and healthy, stable relationships when they grow up. They also tend to have higher IQ test scores by the age of 3 and endure fewer psychological problems throughout their lives when fatherhood is taken seriously.

“When fathers are actively involved with their children, children do better,” explains Paul Amato, a sociologist who studies parent-child relationships at Pennsylvania State University. “All of this research suggests that fathers are important for a child’s development.”

There are many important ways fathers impact the lives of their children, but let me take a moment to share with you six of the most important things a father can do for his kids:

1. Lead them to Christ and disciple them. The single greatest thing a father can do for his children is to introduce them to Jesus Christ and help them enter into a covenant relationship with Him. But it doesn’t end there, that’s just the start! Once leading them to Jesus, a father needs to disciple his children, helping them to grow in maturity as a child of God.

2. Love them unconditionally. It can be easy to argue this should be number one for fathers, but if a father loves his children but fails to do all he can to lead them to Christ, he will have failed them in the worst of ways. While great is the need we all have for unconditional fatherly love, our greatest need is to know and be in covenant relationship with Jesus Christ. Along with that, the unconditional love of a father has a powerful impact on the lives of his children.

3. Love their mother second only to God. Fathers who love their children’s mothers second only to God model a healthy marriage for their children, which provides a great sense of security for the family.

4. Prioritize time to enjoy life with them. Children need from their fathers both quality and quantity of time. To provide that to them, dads will have to make both a priority.

5. Teach them. Boys learn how to be a man from their fathers, and girls learn how they should be treated by men from their dads. There’s a host of other lessons kids will latch onto for life if fathers only make it important enough to teach them.

6. Help them. By appropriately helping your children through their struggles in life, you give them a great confidence that they can always rely on you to be in their corner, in good times and bad. This is one of the greatest impacts fathers have on the lives of their children.

If you have a father who has had a positive impact on your life, you certainly have something to celebrate this Father’s Day, and to give thanks to God for. If you didn’t, you have a heavenly Father who loves you unconditionally, and that’s something to celebrate every day forever more!

Scotty