Angry at the world? Look again …

Only minutes spent perusing most any social media site, or driving a few miles on a busy freeway, or listening to news broadcasts or talk radio will convince you that the world is full of angry people.

You may feel like you’re one of them.

It’s not uncommon for people who engage a professional counselor to say something like, “I’m just so mad at the world!”

Yet, with a little digging, it’s also not uncommon that the root source of their anger really isn’t “the world,” it’s something more like this story told by Mike Eberly:

I remember a specific time a couple of years ago that someone just pulled out in front of me trying to turn left and get in the small space between my car and the next. Of course I was in a hurry as I was running late. And of course I had to brake and subsequently missed the next light after he got through.

I wasn’t happy. But I remember so well because I intentionally stopped myself and looked inside. Why am I feeling this way? Probably the guy was an idiot, so what? Probably he was in a hurry like me. Maybe he was even late. Maybe his appointment was crucial. Who knows? It really wasn’t about me.

So why was I feeling this way? As I honestly searched my feelings, I saw that I was upset because I was upset with myself for being late. I was afraid of looking bad.

Sometimes our anger is genuinely sourced with another person. But because we tend to live our lives with a very low level of self-awareness, and even less other-awareness, we develop the habit of just coping with life rather than more consciously and mindfully engaging it — that includes ourselves, the people we care about the most, others, and even God.

For example, it’s not uncommon for people to develop a habit of using ineffective coping mechanisms to “cope” with life rather than engage mindfully, like this:

Denial – Immediately dismiss a truth about our selves that pops up.

Suppression – Deliberately ignore the unpleasant subject.

Repression – Further push those unhappy thoughts about self into your unconscious mind.

Projection – Project onto someone else those personal, unacceptable feelings about self onto someone else.

But if, like Mike Eberly did, you purposely pause for a moment of instrospection, you might find the real root issue is something you don’t like about yourself.

We rob ourselves of the peace promised by Jesus, and we confound our relationships with others, when we avoid self-honesty and being self-aware, and addressing our own short-comings, but instead stuff them until we can’t any longer and then choose to project onto others what are really some of our own issues. That’s a failed means of coping with life; other common “coping mechanisms” include:

The first six coping mechanisms in the list above are more negative, while the last four are a little more positive. But the issue isn’t finding positive mechanisms for coping, but instead fully engaging in your life with self-awareness, self-honesty, and self-responsibility. That’s harder to do than just “stuffing” or projecting your problems onto others, but it makes for a more peaceful and fulfilling life when you own your own stuff, and work through it.

How about you? Do you identify with using any of the coping mechanisms above to avoid fully engaging in life mindfully?

Scotty