10 ways to nurture any type of relationship …
Central to being a human being are our relationships with other people. And there are an assortment of relationships, such as:
… and so on.
A primary reason why any of our relationships fail is because we fail to nurture them well. Read that again, and really let it sink in:
A primary reason why any of our relationships fail is because we fail to nurture them well.
Because nurturing our relationships well is so important, let’s take a quick look at just 10 ways we can nurture any relationship:
1. Make love the purpose of every relationship. Jesus said the greatest commandment is to love God with all of our heart, soul, and mind (Mt. 22:37) and the second greatest commandment is “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Mt. 22:39). Who is your neighbor? Everyone! Yes, love should be our purpose in every relationship, that even includes our enemies (Mt.5:44). The Apostle Paul noted that love was the central point of his teaching:
“The purpose of my instruction is that all believers would be filled with love that comes from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and genuine faith,” 1 Timothy 1:5.
Love nurtures relationships because when we genuinely love others we are selfless rather than selfish; we put others first, demonstrate that we value them, sincerely care about them, serve them, and are giving in our relationships. To express love is the single greatest way to nurture a relationship with another person.
2. Be intentional about the relationship. Relationships don’t just happen, and they aren’t like cactus, able to survive on sparse watering. If you want to maintain any kind of relationship, you must take responsibility for engaging with the other person, prioritizing the relationship, and investing both an appropriate quantity and quality of time.
3. Collaborate. In any kind of relationship, there is an “us” component. Your relationships aren’t all about you, or all about the other person, they’re about the collaboration of you with them … an “us.” To collaborate is to pull together in the same direction rather than seeking individual or selfish goals from the relationship. Marriages in which one partner pursues only self interest can quickly wind up in divorce court. Friendships where one person focuses only on their own interests will fade and fail. Successful engagements of any kind require collaboration for a mutually satisfying relationship.
4. Communicate. Communication is the actual means of one person connecting with another. By communicating, we enable others to understand us, and we have a means of gaining an understanding of them. We communicate not only to express ourselves, but to understand and “know” someone else. It’s also our means of transmitting any expectations we have about the relationship. Not communicating any expectations we have for a relationship is to set set ourselves up for disappointment; a person cannot meet any expectations we have if they don’t know what they are! Simply put, if we don’t communicate, we can’t connect.
5. Demonstrate genuine interest. You might say another definition of “failure to nurture” is when we fail to demonstrate genuine interest in another person. There are times in some relationships when just the presence of another person is satisfying, but that is only for moments. For any relationship to thrive, we need consistent demonstration the other person is honestly interested in us. To persistently fail to show sincere interest in another person is to neglect, rather than nurture, the relationship.
6. Be consistent. Vital elements of relationships like trust and loyalty are forged from consistent behaviors. Being so inconsistent that the other person in relationship with you can never know what to expect from you is to neglect, instead of nurture, the relationship.
7. Be reliable. You directly nurture a relationship when the other person knows what they can count on from you. When the other person can’t count on you, you’re actually failing to sustain the relationship.
8. Be gracious. Put another way, be forgiving. No one you’ll ever be in relationship with (except for God) is perfect; other people will, at times, disappoint you, and you will, at times, disappoint others. When this happens be gracious enough to forgive and continue forward.
9. Enjoy them! This might sound odd, but people routinely forget to enjoy the people they’re in relationship with. For example, couples can become so driven by schedules and responsibilities and routines that they neglect to enjoy each other in the midst of the busyness and routines. We nurture our relationships when we prioritize enjoying each other, whatever the circumstances might be.
10. Pray for and with each other. We nurture our relationships by sharing them with God, and God with each other. When we talk to God about someone, we more deeply endear them to us, and when we talk to God together, we strengthen our connection with each other by centering it inside our relationship with God.
What are some of the ways you are keeping your relationships well nurtured?
Scotty
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