One thing every couple should know before they get married …

There are several important things couples should know before they get married.

No, I didn’t mean for the headline of this post to be misleading. It’s accurate because, even though there are several things of importance couples should understand before marrying, there is something profoundly true they should know before considering marriage. That’s because it won’t take them very long being married before they WILL discover it.

What is it that key truth they should know?

Christopher West reveals that “thing” in his book, “Fill These Hearts: God, Sex, and the Universal Longing” as follows:

Years ago Wendy and I were out to dinner and she observed that something was different about our marriage in recent years, something good. She asked me if I had any insight into what it was. After reflecting a bit I said with a smile, “Yeah, I think I know what it is. I think I’ve been realizing deep in my heart that you can’t satisfy me.” She got a big smile on her face and said, “Yeah, that’s it. And I’ve been realizing the same thing — you can’t satisfy me either.” I imagine anyone overhearing us in the restaurant would have thought we were about to get divorced, but to us that realization was cause for joy and celebration. We had never felt closer and freer in our love.

Untold numbers of couples approach marriage with the idea that “finding their person” will bring the greatest means of satisfaction that they have ever longed for. But it won’t take any couple very long into marriage before they discover that as enriching as marriage can be to a life, no human being can ever be our ultimate source of satisfaction. That ability goes to Jesus Christ.

Only Jesus can truly, fully, completely satisfy our souls. And that’s because we we made for Him.

“Christ is the visible image of the invisible God. He existed before anything was created and is supreme over all creation, for through him God created everything in the heavenly realms and on earth. He made the things we can see and the things we can’t see — such as thrones, kingdoms, rulers, and authorities in the unseen world. Everything was created through him and for him,” Colossians 1:15-16.

That’s why, over more than three decades as a pastor and counselor, I have recommended to couples planning their weddings that they publicly pledge “second place” to one another as part of their marriage vows. You can likely guess the overwhelming pushback I get when I suggest such a thing! Couples rationalize that yes, God is supposed to be the one they love the most, but a wedding is all about their pledging their love and fidelity to one another.

No, it really isn’t.

For a marriage to start well, it needs to begin with an understanding that only God can fully and truly satisfy us, and that only God has a right to first place and as being the greatest love of our lives:

“Jesus replied, ‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment,'” Matthew 22:37-38.

“If we live, it’s to honor the Lord. And if we die, it’s to honor the Lord. So whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord,” Romans 14:8.

“Acknowledge that the Lord is God! He made us, and we are his. We are his people, the sheep of his pasture,” Psalm 100:3.

“My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me,” Galatians 2:20.

“Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body,” 1 Corinthians 6:19-20.

As disciples of Jesus, we enter marriage knowing and acknowledging that we were created by and for Jesus, that He is pre-eminent in all things — and all relationships! — and that we pledge to our spouses second place. Don’t think that is “taking the shine off” of marriage; to love someone as being second only to God is a great thing!

Couples who begin marriage understanding that only Jesus can fully satisfy them set their marriages up for success. They start with their relationship with God, and each other, having the right priority and expectations. Couples who enter marriage with an expectation that their spouse will be their source of fulfillment in life set their marriage up for disappointment and potential failure.

When you enter marriage giving Christ His proper role of pre-eminence, you are free to love your spouse as being second only to God. When you both do that, you bring a great enrichment to life and a relationship God is happy to bless.

Scotty