10 reasons why we lie …

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Our lives are full of lies!

So much so, you’re probably familiar with every one of these “famous American fibs” listed in “Bits & Pieces”:

    • The check is in the mail.
    • I’ll start my diet tomorrow.
    • We service what we sell.
    • Give me your number and the doctor will call you right back.
    • Money cheerfully refunded.
    • One size fits all.
    • This offer limited to the first 100 people who call in.
    • Your luggage isn’t lost, it’s only misplaced.
    • Leave your resume and we’ll keep it on file.
    • This hurts me more than it hurts you.
    • I just need five minutes of your time.
    • Your table will be ready in a few minutes.
    • Open wide, it won’t hurt a bit.
    • Let’s have lunch sometime.
    • It’s not the money, it’s the principle.

The past couple days I’ve been writing on the topic of lying, noting the following: 1) Most people are skilled at lying, even if they’re not overtly conscious about it, 2) we routinely lie to people, from our closest relationships to strangers, and 3) we are especially proficient at lying to ourselves.

Why do we do this?

There are many reasons why people lie, but let me share with you 10 common reasons:

Sin. The number one reason we lie is because we’re sinful people. At the core of a sinful person is selfishness and lying is a natural expression of our sinful selfishness. Scripture profoundly highlights this point when identifying Satan as being the “father of lies” and how lying is characteristic of the sinful nature: “Jesus told them, ‘If God were your Father, you would love me, because I have come to you from God. I am not here on my own, but he sent me. Why can’t you understand what I am saying? It’s because you can’t even hear me! For you are the children of your father the devil, and you love to do the evil things he does. He was a murderer from the beginning. He has always hated the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of lies. So when I tell the truth, you just naturally don’t believe me!” John 8:42-45.

Cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is a theory in psychology. It refers to the mental conflict that occurs when a person’s behaviors and beliefs do not align. John Grohol, Psy.D., gives an example: “An example [of cognitive dissonance] can be seen in many people’s continuing to smoke two or three packs of cigarettes a day, even though research shows they are shortening their own lives. They answer this cognitive dissonance with thoughts like, ‘Well, I’ve tried to quit and it’s just too hard,’ or ‘It’s not as bad as they say and besides, I really enjoy smoking.’ Daily smokers justify their behaviors through rationalizations or denial, just as most people do when faced with cognitive dissonance.” Instead of resolving cognitive dissonance rationally and biblically, people often choose to lie.

Cognitive distortions. Because most people are wildly lacking in self-awareness and pay little attention to their self-talk, it’s common to develop both patterns and habits of cognitive distortions, which are ways of thinking irrationally. Cognitive distortions are ways we use to try to convince ourselves of things that are not true. I write about common cognitive distortions here.

Self-protection. We are quick to lie when we think it can protect us in different ways such as avoiding painful consequences or to avoid shame, embarrassment, or conflict.

Control. People choose to lie as a means of attempting to manipulate outcomes in their favor.

We’re lazy. Instead of doing the work to develop a certain character, we simply lie and say we’re someone we’re not. We also choose to lie to avoid expending time and energy.

To be polite. People routinely choose to lie when they think telling the truth might offend someone.

To meet the desires of others. Children will often tell their parent a lie in an attempt to please them. Adults do the same in their relationships with both adults and children.

To gain a reward not otherwise available. Examples of this is lying on a resume or lying on your tax return.

To maintain privacy. When we don’t want people to know information about us, we may choose to “protect our privacy” by giving them false information.

We’re often willing to lie when we don’t experience an immediate negative result from doing so. But although the consequences of lying is sometimes delayed, we always will have to face them at some point. That’s a lesson Bob Harris learned the hard way, a story reported by Nancy Shulins for the Nyack, New York Journal News:

    Bob Harris, weatherman for NY TV station WPIX-TV and the nationally syndicated independent Network news, had to weather a public storm of his own making in 1979. Though he had studied math, physics, and geology at three colleges, he left school without a degree but with a strong desire to be a media weatherman. He phoned WCBS-TV, introducing himself as a Ph.D. in geophysics from Columbia U. The phony degree got him in the door. After a two-month tryout, he was hired as an off-camera forecaster for WCBS. For the next decade his career flourished. He became widely known as “Dr. Bob.” He was also hired by the New York Times as a consulting meteorologist. The same year both the Long Island Railroad and then Baseball Commissioner Bowie Kuhn hired him.

    Forty years of age and living his childhood dream, he found himself in public disgrace and national humiliation when an anonymous letter prompted WCBS management to investigate his academic credentials. Both the station and the New York Times fired him. His story got attention across the land. He was on the Today Show, the Tomorrow Show, and in People Weekly, among others. He thought he’d lose his home and never work in the media again. Several days later the Long Island Railroad and Bowie Kuhn announced they would not fire him. Then WNEW-TV gave him a job. He admits it was a dreadful mistake on his part and doubtless played a role in his divorce. “I took a shortcut that turned out to be the long way around, and one day the bill came due. I will be sorry as long as I am alive.”

Regardless of the reasons we may offer for lying, the Apostle Paul gives us a good reason for NOT doing so:

“So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. Have nothing to do with sexual immorality, impurity, lust, and evil desires. Don’t be greedy, for a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world. Because of these sins, the anger of God is coming. You used to do these things when your life was still part of this world. But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language. Don’t lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds. Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him,” Colossians 3:5-10.

Do you lie to yourself? To others? What are the reasons you rationalize for lying? What do you think about Paul’s exhortation to not lie?

Scotty