How psychological wounds can negatively impact relationships …

People like to make jokes about psychologists, psychiatrists, or clinical therapists making the classic request of “Tell me about your childhood …” or more specifically, “Tell me about your relationship with your father/mother …”

The fact is, there’s a very good (and very valid) reason for sometimes making such inquiries.

The reason is because psychological wounds from our childhood, and specifically those rooted in our relationship with our parents, can last a lifetime and impact all of our other relationships if left untreated.

That’s not an exaggerated statement.

Let me give you a real, and current, example.

I’ve just concluded a reconciliation case between two elderly men, one age 82 and another age 78. These two men used to enjoy meeting most afternoons at a coffee shop to share life stories or “just talk.” They were friends, and enjoyed each other’s company.

That is, until one day, the older man said something that “triggered” the other man, who stalked off in anger.

For months, the angry man would have nothing to do with his friend, he wouldn’t even acknowledge him when passing at the coffee shop.

Fortunately, the older fellow was a Christian, and the Holy Spirit kept him uncomfortable about the rift between the two men. The problem was, he didn’t know what he had done to offend his friend, but he didn’t want to give up on the relationship. He sought out Scott Free Clinic to counsel him regarding reconciliation, and after some work and preparation with him, a meeting was held with his angry friend.

Here’s the key part.

What did the 78-year-old man talk about?

How his alcoholic father treated him as a boy.

During his last conversation with his older friend, that man displayed a positive characteristic his father used to display in a negative and hurtful way, and to his neglect of him when he was a child. Seeing a momentary flash of similarity of characteristics stirred this man’s festering, decades-old psychological wound inflicted by his father, and so in that moment he “transferred” his reaction to his father onto his friend.

Fortunately, this man was able to see that an old, unhealed, festering wound that had nothing to do with his friend was really the root of his emotional reaction, and so the two men were able to reconcile their friendship, and with a deeper understanding of each other.

But the wounded man still needs healing, or he will continue to do what he has done his entire life — allow the pain of his open wound to affect all of his other relationships negatively.

Living with unhealed wounds can cause a person to bring all the resulting behaviors into their relationships, which is not conducive to healthy, happy intimacy.

When your psychological health has been wounded and you only respond by trying to “suck it up” without experiencing healing for the wound that has occurred, the wounds will continue to fester, primarily in how you perceive and treat yourself, and then spilling into your relationships with others (even with God).

If you’ve been wounded in the past, but haven’t worked through that experience to healing, get the help you need to do so so that you can avoid negatively impacting the rest of your life from the affects of an old, open wound.

Scotty