If you’re really willing to help a person in need, then do it!

One of the worst things you can say to a person you know is in need (or their being in need is obvious) is, “What can I do for you?”

First, let’s reveal an ugly truth regarding this matter up front: A primary reason why many people who are capable of helping people in need ask this of someone they know is in need is because they don’t really want to help and are hedging their bets that by asking the person will feel false guilt about accepting help and “let them off the hook” by passing on any help.

That’s an ugly truth! You may be one of the many who asked that question of someone, all the while hoping they wouldn’t accept any help because you really didn’t want to help but felt “obligated” because you profess to be a Christian, or call yourself a friend, or might even be family.

Let’s move on …

A key reason why, generally speaking, you shouldn’t ask, “What can I do for you?” is because a LOT of people struggle with receiving help, no matter how much they might need it. It could be they were raised to think “Don’t ever accept help” or “Don’t ever ask for help.” The person in need may think helping them is too much to ask of others and don’t want to be a “burden” by needing help. It could be in the past they were always the resourceful helper so receiving help is a new, and awkward, experience for them. Yes, some people allow pride to get in the way of receiving much needed help. And for many, they don’t ask for help because, for any number of reasons, they don’t believe you really want to help, chiefly because you haven’t offered help yet or you’ve stood by and watched them suffer up until now.

There are some reasonable reasons why someone might not feel comfortable asking for help, and some irrational reasons. But here’s reason number one: They don’t know the combination of what you’re capable of doing for them, and what you’re willing to do for them (for many people, what they’re capable of doing for people in need isn’t always what they’re willing to do).

In light of that, when you are interacting with someone you know is in need, and you are capable of helping to any degree, here’s a better thing to say: “I would like to help you. Here’s what I can do for you, if you’re willing to let me help …” and then explain clearly and concisely what you’re able and willing to do for them.

If a person in need thinks you want to help but they ask from you more than you’re able to offer, they feel awkward and embarrassed. If you’re willing to help, and the person in need asks for much less than what you’re able and willing to do for them, their need may still remain unmet! The best fit is to acknowledge you believe they are in need, and what you’re capable and willing to do for them. At that point, if they respond with faux guilt feelings, you’re in a good position to strongly encourage them to accept your offer, and they will be more likely to take it.

With all of the above said, there are times when you may actually need to ask of someone in need what their needs are because, while you may know they’re in need, you don’t know to what degree and are honestly asking to find out so you can better measure what you can do for them. However, we often know what a person’s need is, but still put them in an awkward position by asking, “What can I do for you?” Just don’t do that unless it’s necessary and then done with a compassionate and caring motivation.

On this subject of helping others, if you see someone in need, don’t wait until they finally ask for help, YOU initiate a specific offer of help. Genuine love and compassion doesn’t wait to be sought out, it initiates!

Helping others very often doesn’t require great sacrifice on our part, but don’t be afraid to actually sacrifice to help others in real need. Most of us have never sincerely sacrificed anything of significant value in service to anyone (God or human); don’t be afraid to purposely seek out opportunities to help and serve others, you may find great blessing in purposely trying to maximize your capacity at helping and serving others rather than minimizing it, doing as little for others as possible so you can do as much for yourself as possible (that really is not a godly way to live).

And a final thought from scripture, if you’re able to help, and finally reluctantly acquiesce to help, do not make the person wait for the help you finally offer:

“Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it’s in your power to help them. If you can help your neighbor now, don’t say, ‘Come back tomorrow, and then I’ll help you,'” Proverbs 3:27-28.

Being a reluctant servant is not the heart or example of Christ. To follow in His steps, welcome opportunities to serve others, including meeting their needs, and be an initiator of help. That’s much more like Christ, and it pleases God to see His children initiating such love and compassion.

Scotty