25 common issues troubling families in 2022 …

It was all the way back in 1978 that the Modesto Bee and News-Herald reported the story about Thomas Hansen of Boulder, Colorado who was suing his parents for $350,000 on the grounds of “malpractice of parenting.” Hansen claimed his mother and father had botched his upbringing so badly that he would need years of costly psychiatric treatment.

Sounds like a troubled family.

In 2022, there are increasingly more families facing their own kinds of troubles.

What kind of trouble?

Here are 25 common issues families are facing in 2022, listed in no specific order:

1. Sin. Anywhere you have one or more human beings, you will have the trouble of sin. Even forgiven Christians who have been reconciled to God through Jesus Christ will have sin issues, although Christians no longer practice sin. Nevertheless, there isn’t any family on the planet free of the trouble of sin in the lives of its members.

2. Faith and values. Whether family members live out a faith in God, have placed their faith in a false religion, or something in-between, differences in faith and values are often a source of contention among family members.

3. Clash of temperaments. Temperament is how God has “hard-wired” us, it’s the source of our inclinations. Temperament is described by the National Christian Counselors Association as the genetic, in-born part of a person the determines how they respond to people, places, and things. Not only can different temperaments clash, but differing expressions of the same temperaments can clash! Temperament clashes are one of the most common sources of trouble among families.

4. Lack of, or ineffective, communication. If you fail to communicate with one another, it’s only common sense that will create problems. So will communicating in an ineffective manner, like yelling, screaming, withdrawing, being passive-aggressive, etc. Communication includes content and method — both what you say or don’t say, and how you communicate or don’t communicate, are negative sources of contention in many families.

5. Codependency. Codependency was “all the rage” a couple decades ago. In fact, it was probably overblown as the “big issue” for families, but make no mistake about it, codependency remains a serious issue among families in 2022. So what is codependency? Dr. Renee Exelberg explains, “Codependency is a circular relationship in which one person needs the other person, who in turn, needs to be needed. The codependent person, known as ‘the giver,’ feels worthless unless they are needed by — and making sacrifices for — the enabler, otherwise known as ‘the taker.'”

6. Enmeshment. Enmeshment is a psychological term referring to the blurring of boundaries between people, usually in a family system (but sometimes in other relationships such as friendships). The enmeshment usually results in a dysfunctional family system where there is a lack of natural, healthy autonomy and independence, resulting in problems in the relationships.

A therapist for GoodTherapy explains, “The concept of enmeshment was introduced by family therapist Salvador Minuchin in the 1970s. Typically, boundaries that help determine how close family members are to each other, as well as who participates in specific family matters, exist within a family system. When these boundaries blur or are not clearly defined, the result may be enmeshment, a situation in which family members are close to an extent that it becomes difficult for each member to establish the level of independence considered healthy by most mental health and family therapy experts.”

7. Mental health issues and/or mental illness. Ignorance regarding mental health and mental illness can cause great strife within families. And, remarkably, the issue of stigma regarding mental health issues and mental illness can be just as real and just as strong within families as it is in society at large. Even in 2022, it is not uncommon for family members to misunderstand, criticize, ignore, condemn, and even abandon a family member because of their mental health issues or mental illness.

8. Neglect. Any kind of relationship, including familial bonds, require consistent nurture to be healthy and thrive. A failure to adequately nurture relationships is a sadly common cause of family troubles.

9. Disagreements about parenting. Amos 3:3 asks one of the Bible’s profound questions. It’s this: “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” Usually not without conflict! Parents who fail to collaborate on how to parent their children introduce significant conflict into the family.

10. Parent-child conflict. This is the ages-old family conflict that has multiple root causes, from sin to misunderstanding one another to poor communication, etc. How this issue is handled determines the amount of trouble — and potential harm — this problem causes a family.

11. Intergenerational trauma. When real, serious issues of trauma are experienced but are not treated or resolved, the impact on the life will be shared within families, only to perpetuate the negative impact of the original trauma.

12. Money. Money — it’s personal value, how it’s spent, kept, invested, and otherwise used — remains a leading source of trouble in marriages and families.

13. Lack of respect. Just because someone is a member of your family doesn’t automatically mean you respect them. That’s a problem many families struggle with — you “belong” to each other, but disrespect one another; that’s a relational contradiction.

14. Dominance. Wherever you have two or more people, there will always be some kind of “control” issue — whether you want to be in control of yourself but have no control from others, or you want others to have some control over you, or you want to control others, or have no level of control of others, etc. How you work out such control issues determines the level of trouble they are in your family. One family member trying to exert their dominance over others routinely causes a level of conflict that can fray or break relationships.

15. Lack of affection. To fail to love your own family members is to utterly fail in your familial relationships. You may not expect a stranger to love you, but it is a rational expectation that your family would demonstrate real love toward one another. Failure to do so causes hurt, and even harm.

16. Lack of emotional support. Few things can make a person feel unloved, uncared for, and even abandoned as when family fails to provide emotional support through life’s many different experiences.

17. Addiction. This ages-old troublemaker remains the pernicious problem of families around the world. When a family member suffers from an addiction, the family by extension also suffers. How that is handled will determine if the family overcomes the addiction, or the addiction destroys the addicted one and his/her relationships with family and others.

18. Lack of appreciation. We routinely overlook and under-appreciate some of the people who deserve some of our greatest appreciation – our family. There’s a myth that says, “Loving someone means never having to say thank you” — whoever came up with that was, quite frankly, a fool! Loving others, including family, means consistently communicating and demonstrating our appreciation for them.

19. Work-life harmony. By it’s very nature, work/careers take a big bite out of our lives because we have to work to provide for our families. But many people go beyond that to valuing and prioritizing their jobs and careers above their families. When family becomes less important, or work becomes overly intrusive, it causes problems in family relationships.

20. Influence of in-laws. Among what the Bible teaches us, we find that when a man marries a woman, they leave their homes of origin to be bound together as one and to form their own household; and scriptures also teaches us to honor our parents. Both of those things can be done, but when the influence of in-laws or parents exceeds appropriate honor to in-laws exceeding their appropriate level of influence in your household, the result will usually be conflict in a marriage, if not in the entire family, even to the point of divorce and the ruin of families.

21. Deficits. When a family fails to have what God designed for it, that is called a deficit. For example, a major problem with families in America today are the number of households without fathers. God’s design is that a man and woman would be joined in marriage, and they would have their own families and would raise their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord to grow up to be faithful and obedient followers of Jesus Christ. When a family doesn’t have that kind of father, or that kind of mother, it’s a deficit, and deficits have negative impacts on families (they can be overcome).

22. Wounds. Because of that sin nature mentioned in item number one, unfortunately we hurt or “wound” one another. How that is handled determines the healing, or failure to heal, from these wounds, which can have dramatically deep and harmful impacts.

23. Managing the household. How chores are divided up, who does what and even how, and how a household is organized and managed are all common causes of strife in families.

24. Cluttered schedule. One of the most persistent causes of troubles among families in 2022 is a vastly cluttered schedule. With family members running in different directions at different times to indulge their individual interests, this SELF-INFLICTED problem can be a root cause of divorce and division in the family of the worst kind.

25. Major life events. “Serious” or “significant” happenings like infidelity, divorce, remarriage, relocation, changing jobs/schools, death of a family member or friend, or a natural catastrophe are root causes for new and serious trouble for families.

These 25 things aren’t the only troubles families face today, but they’re common issues. If your family is struggling with any of these issues, I encourage you to get help from your church leaders, church family, and/or a competent Christian counselor if needed. All of these issues can be overcome!

Scotty