A relational lesson from a child’s game …

Not all toys are created equal.

Some are just for our entertainment, a toy for “fun play.” But many toys are designed to have an educational element to them, and young children can learn a lot by pairing play with education.

One such “educational toy” many of us have played with is the “shape sorter,” such as the one pictured to the right. In addition to being a fun toy, shape sorters have a simple lesson children can learn: Some things fit in a place designed specifically for them, but not just anywhere. For example, the round object can’t squeeze through the square-shaped hole, just like the star-shaped object doesn’t fit through the triangle-shaped hole. Each object has their place in the sorter.

As a child grows, that simple lesson can become increasingly profound, especially in relationships. The lesson translated to relationships is the importance of putting each relationship in their correct place. When relationships are mis-ordered, they can become confusing and conflict follows. In 1981, Campus Life printed an example of how confusing relationships can become when they are put “out of order” in our lives:

If you think your family has problems, consider the marriage mayhem created when 76-year-old Bill Baker of London recently wed Edna Harvey. She happened to be his granddaughter’s husband’s mother. That’s where the confusion began, according to Baker’s granddaughter, Lynn.

“My mother-in-law is now my step-grandmother. My grandfather is now my stepfather-in-law. My mom is my sister-in-law and my brother is my nephew. But even crazier is that I’m now married to my uncle and my own children are my cousins.”

Like objects in a shape sorter game, relationships do have a proper order to them, and when we respect relationships by putting and keeping them in their proper place, we have the opportunity to have a healthy relationship. Don Wilton, writing in the Daily Encouraging Word, highlighted the importance of respect in relationships:

People quit on us when they don’t feel valued. George and Mary Lou were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. A reporter asked George, “What’s your recipe for a long, happy marriage?” George explained that after the wedding his father-in-law handed him a package. Inside it was a gold watch that George still used. He showed it to the reporter. Across the face of the watch where he could see it a dozen times a day, were written the words, “Say something nice to Mary Lou.” We all need that watch!

In his book Blink, Malcolm Gladwell writes about a relationship expert who was able to predict the potential success of a couple’s marriage based on their interaction with one another. What was it he looked for that indicated a marriage was headed for trouble? Contempt! If one treated the other with contempt, the relationship was usually doomed to fail. Now, insincerity and flattery don’t work. For a person to feel valued [he or she] must know you genuinely value them. To feel respected, [he or she] must know you genuinely respect them. When we devalue others we start treating them like objects, not people.

We devalue people by putting them in the wrong place in our lives. There’s a right place in our lives for all of our relationships.

By God’s design, our relationship with Him is to tower above all other relationships in our lives:

“Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment,” Matthew 22:37-38.

“If you love your father or mother more than you love me, you are not worthy of being mine; or if you love your son or daughter more than me, you are not worthy of being mine,” Matthew 10:37.

The person we’re supposed to love second only to God is our spouse:

“This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one,” Genesis 2:24.

“Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you under the sun. The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil,” Ecclesiastes 9:9.

After that comes children, and family, and church family. Other places in our lives are for friends, acquaintances, and others.

What happens when children become the center of life for a husband and wife? The marriage relationship is neglected and that sometimes subtle shift of position can cause great harm to a marriage.

What happens if a friend is more respected than a spouse?

What happens if any person is more loved than God?

There’s a right place for each relationship in your life, and trying to force a relationship to fit in a place not designed for it will cause trouble, can harm the relationship, and eventually lead to relational failure.

The Bible helps us understand how to have a proper place for the people in our lives. How are you doing at rightly, respectfully, sorting your relationships?

Scotty