A troubling trend seen in Pastor Care …

“Pastor Care” is the name given to one of Scott Free Clinic’s six core services; this service is a specialty service of counseling offered specifically to vocational and bi-vocational ministers. The demand for this service was growing prior to the pandemic, but has skyrocketed since the onset of the challenges of COVID-19 and this new season of a “new normal.”

Among the varied needs for Pastor Care, SFC has noted a troubling trend among several of the church leaders requesting this service. In addition to an increase in the need for marriage counseling among church leaders, a troublesome trend is an increase in ministers struggling with a disconnect to live out what they teach and preach to others.

Especially relating to relational distress, these ministers seem to quickly, and even eloquently fire off biblical insights and teachings on the topics they’re personally struggling with, but then to A) be completely stymied about how to actually live out in their own lives what they teach to others, or B) to even see their failure to “practice what they preach.”

One example: A minister and his wife came for counseling, saying their marriage had disintegrated to yelling, screaming, and raging at each other, saying they could not communicate with each other without such ungodly behavior … except they didn’t see the behavior as ungodly. They didn’t see how they were treating their spouse as possibly being sinful. They acknowledged it was ineffective, a problem, not working, and even inappropriate, but sinful? The idea came as a genuine surprise to them.

These church leaders exhibit great skill at teaching, and being able to say all the right things, but have an unusual disconnect in seeing their failure to actually live out what they teach and preach to others, and increasingly are profoundly confused about how to do so.

That was the case with one pastor’s wife who came for counseling. Her husband wouldn’t join her in counseling, he wouldn’t dare be caught seeing a counselor for fear of what that could mean about him. She was highly educated and brilliant, and a professional coach to executives, very capable of teaching a canned template for “success,” but thoroughly incapable of applying some of those same principles in her own marriage.

Additionally, several of these church leaders increasingly have a great fear of anyone in the congregation (including elders or other church staff) seeing, or having knowledge of, their flaws, weaknesses, failures, or sins. For some, this is because of a fear of being “cancelled” (or at least judged). They did not think they could share their need for help, support, prayer, discipling, and encouragement — all the things they encourage their members to provide to one another. Instead, these ministers think they will “get in trouble” if they let anyone know they had the same kind of need.

Sadly, this keeps some church leaders from seeking help from anyone. Many of those who reach out to Scott Free Clinic do so because they feel safe reaching out to a trusted, competent source of help not related to their local church. While I’m happy they trust connecting with this ministry, it’s tragic they think and feel they can’t reach out to people (or other leaders) in their own local church.

There are multiple reasons for this troubling growing trend, but let me mention a couple specific issues that contribute heavily to it. First is that, for a very long time now, we have been developing ministers to be organizational professionals rather than godly shepherds with well-nurtured, deeply intimate communion with God. Many of today’s ministers are spending more time on “organizational” work and less time studying the Word, time in personal prayer, and a deeply-seeded practice of spiritual disciplines. Second, we’ve made the church to be Sunday-centric, performance-based gatherings which then mean there are expectations on ministers to perform. We want dynamic, great communicators and people who produce ecstatic “spiritual experiences” once a week rather than gifts to the church who focus on equipping the saints for ministry. When you think you have to “perform” every week, you’re terrified at showing you’re human, with real weaknesses that sometimes need help to overcome. And third, too many church members are persistent critics of Sunday services and ministerial “performances,” being quick to complain but rarely ever provide words of encouragement and appreciation to their leaders. This leaves leaders feeling used and guarded, afraid to show any flaws or personal weaknesses.

You know the church is in trouble when so many of its leaders can be skilled communicators, but fail at living out what they teach, and are confused about how to do so. And you know the church is in trouble when ministers think they can’t be authentic human beings with the people they serve, and/or with other leaders they serve with.

That’s a broken church, and a broken system of ministry, both of which must be fixed for the church to be and do what God intends.

Scotty