A trio of tools for parenting …

Preacher Bob Martin once began a sermon by highlighting the need for having the right tools for whatever we’re trying to do. He explained:

“Have you ever watched a talented mechanic or craftsman work? He always has the right tool. You or I might strain to reach underneath an engine or struggle with pliers to put together some little piece of furniture. But for a master mechanic or trained craftsman, it seems that no problem is too great. The mechanic whips out a long instrument that has a ratchet on the end, slithers it up through the crowded engine compartment, and has a blot out in seconds. A craftsman can affix the perfect-sized screwdriver head to an electric drill and assemble a complex-looking bookcase in minutes. If you talk to these people, they will always tell you that it is critical to use the right tool. A screw won’t come off easily with pliers – if at all, and you can’t drive in a nail with a screwdriver.”

If we can do our jobs best by having the right tools, what about one of the most important jobs of all, that of parenting?

The Bible helps us understand there are at least three key tools available to men and women in their great responsibility of being a parent. Those tools are:

Instruction.
Much of the book of Proverbs is a father giving wise instruction to a son, or to young men. There are times when the writer is pleading for the son to listen to, learn from, heed, and not stray from his instruction.

It sounds odd to think parents need to be told they need to teach their children, but there are actually people who advocate against doing so. Kind of like the fellow in this story told by Roy Zuck:

The English poet Samuel Coleridge talked with a man who did not believe that children should be given any religious instruction at all. This man claimed the child’s mind should not be prejudiced in any direction, and when he became older he should be permitted to choose his religious opinions for himself.

Coleridge said nothing; but after a while he asked his visitor if he would like to see his garden. The man said he would, and Coleridge took him out into the garden, where only weeds were growing. The man looked at Coleridge in surprise, and said, “Why this is not a garden! There is nothing but weeds here!”

“Well, you see,” answered Coleridge, “I did not wish to infringe upon the liberty of the garden in any way, I was just giving the garden a chance to express itself and to choose its own production.”

The instruction of children by parents was an important part of God’s plan among the ancient people of Israel. The idea wasn’t to set up a formal school in homes, but to use all of life as a curriculum to teach children:

“Listen, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates,” Deuteronomy 6:4-9.

Are you intentionally and intently teaching your children? It’s a vital tool for parenting! And so is …

A godly example
Teaching isn’t a game of charades or fun time playing pantomime, it actually requires words — real instruction. But to help us bridge from instruction to understanding is the priceless tool of a godly example.

Actually, you are an example to your children, whether or not it’s a godly one or not!

A little boy said to his mother, “Can I go outside and help Daddy put snow chains on the car? I know all the words.”

If your instruction in godly things doesn’t match the demonstration of your life lived in front of your children, then your children will often choose to follow your example over your instruction. Putting the two together — godly instruction with a godly example — is a powerful tool for parenting your children.

Discipline
Discipline is a third tool to enable you to practically train your children in the living out of your instruction and example. Dr. Paul Chappell, writing in “A Firm Foundation,” explains:

The English poet, Alexander Pope, wrote, “As the twig is bent, so grows the tree.” When new trees are planted stakes are often put into the ground beside the tree. The stakes are there for a purpose — to train the tree to grow straight and tall.

Those stakes work remarkably well if they are put in place when the tree is young. But if crooked growth has been allowed to develop for several years, they will not be effective. Rules for our children work the same way.

The encouragement from Proverbs to use discipline as a tool for parenting is blunt:

“Don’t fail to discipline your children. The rod of punishment won’t kill them. Physical discipline may well save them from death,” Proverbs 23:13-14.

Are you using these three tools in parenting your children? What tools are you putting to use in raising the children God has entrusted to you for a while?

Scotty