Two stress/trauma responses that are often overlooked but shouldn’t be …

It’s hard to understand something if we only know about half of it, or if we haven’t seen or experienced it.

That truth is illustrated in this story from the life of Marco Polo:

The famous explorer Marco Polo went back to his home in Venice after completing his journeys. When he got back to his home he began to describe some of the things he had seen. But his close friends thought he had gone mad. He told them about black stones that you could actually set on fire and they would provide heat for you. But they could not imagine what he was talking about … they had never heard of charcoal. He told them about a piece of cloth that, as hard as he tried, he could not set it on fire. But they could not imagine what he was talking about … they had never heard of asbestos. He told them about large animals that were almost 20 feet long and had jaws large enough to swallow a man but they could not imagine what he was talking about … they had never seen a crocodile. Then he told them of a substance that came spewing out of the ground that, if you lit it, it would catch on fire and actually provide light. But they could not imagine what he was talking about because they had never heard of crude oil.

Years later, when Marco Polo was lying on his death bed, one of the few men who actually believed him was there and he said, “Tell me all of those stories again. I want to hear them again.” But he refused and simply said it’s all true … every bit of it. In fact, I have not told you half of what I saw.

Partial information, like half of a story, can leave us confused. That’s the case when it comes to understanding common human responses to high levels of stress or when experiencing trauma. Most of us have heard about the natural “fight or flight” responses to stress and/or trauma, but the fact is there are four “F’s” rather than two when it comes to our responding to stressors. In addition to “fight” or “flight,” there is also “freeze” and “fawn.”

First let’s understand why we experience such responses.

THE FOUR F’s
The autonomic nervous system is a division of the peripheral nervous system that controls involuntary physiological functions to maintain internal stability and respond to external changes. It plays a crucial role in regulating various bodily functions, such as heart rate, blood pressure, digestion, respiratory rate, and pupillary response.

The autonomic nervous system is divided into two main branches:

Sympathetic Nervous System. Often referred to as the “fight or flight” system, the sympathetic nervous system is activated in response to stress, danger, or excitement. It prepares the body for action by increasing heart rate, dilating pupils, and redirecting blood flow to muscles, among other responses.

Parasympathetic Nervous System. Sometimes called the “rest and digest” system, the parasympathetic nervous system promotes relaxation and recovery. It works to counterbalance the effects of the sympathetic system, slowing down heart rate, constricting pupils, and facilitating activities such as digestion and nutrient absorption.

The balance between the sympathetic and parasympathetic systems is crucial for maintaining homeostasis, allowing the body to respond appropriately to different situations. The autonomic nervous system is controlled by the autonomic centers in the brain, particularly the hypothalamus and brainstem, and it interacts with various organs and tissues throughout the body. The sympathetic and parasympathetic systems often act in opposition to each other, creating a dynamic interplay that helps the body adapt to changing conditions.

We often talk about how, when the sympathetic nervous system is activated in response to stress or trauma that we respond in either “fight or flight” modes. What is often overlooked are two more common, natural responses — those of “freeze” and “fawn.” So the “four F’s” of the stress response are:

1. Fight: This response involves confronting the perceived threat and actively trying to overcome it.
2. Flight: In this response, individuals seek to escape or avoid the threat by distancing themselves from the situation.
3. Freeze: This response involves a state of immobilization, where individuals may feel stuck or unable to act. It’s a kind of “deer in the headlights” reaction.
4. Fawn: The fawn response is a term that has been added more recently to describe a pattern of seeking to please or appease others as a way of avoiding conflict or harm.

More concisely, the “four F’s” look like this:

1. Fight: Confronting the stressor.
2. Flight: Avoiding or escaping the stressor.
3. Freeze: Pausing or becoming immobilized.
4. Fawn: Seeking social harmony or appeasement.

These “four F’s” are part of the body’s natural stress response. However, in the context of trauma, they may become more pronounced and maladaptive. For example, someone who has experienced trauma may have a heightened or more frequent fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response even in situations that are not objectively threatening.

Since the “fight or flight” responses are generally well-known, let’s get a better understanding of the other two responses.

THE FREEZE RESPONSE
The freeze response is characterized by a state of temporary immobility or tonic immobility.

When faced with a threatening or overwhelming situation, the freeze response can be triggered as a survival mechanism. In this state, the individual may experience a temporary paralysis or a sense of being “stuck.” This reaction is thought to be an adaptation designed to help an organism avoid detection by predators. By remaining still and blending in with the environment, an individual might increase their chances of survival.

Physiologically, the freeze response involves the release of stress hormones, such as cortisol, and changes in the autonomic nervous system. Heart rate and breathing may slow down, and muscles may tense up. This response can be adaptive in certain situations, allowing an individual to assess the threat and choose the most appropriate course of action, whether it be fighting, fleeing, or, in some cases, continuing to remain still until the danger has passed.

For example, imagine you’re walking alone in a forest and suddenly you hear a loud, unexpected noise. Your body might instinctively freeze in response to the potential danger. In this state, your muscles tense up, and you become very still, almost as if you’re trying to blend into the surroundings. Your heart rate may increase, and you become hyper-aware of your environment.

This response is a survival mechanism seen in many animals. The idea is that by remaining motionless, you may go unnoticed by a potential threat. It’s like hitting a pause button, allowing you to assess the situation and decide on the most appropriate course of action — whether it be to fight, flee, or continue freezing.

In a modern context, the freeze response can manifest in social or work-related stress. For example, in a high-pressure meeting or during a confrontation, an individual might experience a freeze response, appearing physically tense or mentally paralyzed temporarily.

Understanding and recognizing the freeze response is crucial for managing stress and implementing healthy responses.

There can be both positives and negatives for the freeze response, such as:

Positives:
Preservation of Energy. Freezing can conserve energy, allowing an individual to remain still and avoid attracting attention from a potential threat.
Temporary Safety. In some situations, staying still and blending in with the environment may increase the chances of avoiding detection by predators or adversaries.

Negatives:
Limited Adaptive Value. While freezing might be effective in certain situations, it may not be the most adaptive response in all threatening scenarios, potentially leading to harm.
Reduced Ability to Take Action. The freeze response can hinder the individual’s ability to take proactive measures to escape or confront a threat, potentially prolonging exposure to danger.
Psychological Impact. Frequent or prolonged freezing can contribute to heightened stress, anxiety, and trauma, affecting mental health over time.

The freeze response can have varying degrees of intensity, ranging from subtle hesitation to a more pronounced and prolonged state of immobility.

Overcoming the freeze stress response involves several strategies. Here are some steps to help manage and mitigate this response:

1. Recognize the Freeze Response. Acknowledge when you are experiencing the freeze stress response. Understand that it’s a natural reaction to perceived threats.
2. Deep Breathing and Mindfulness. Engage in deep, slow breathing to calm your nervous system. Practice mindfulness to stay present and focused on the current moment.
3. Rational Self-Talk. Challenge irrational thoughts (a counselor can equip you with a variety of cognitive restructuring techniques to help you successfully challenge irrational thinking and habits/patterns of cognitive distortions). Remind yourself that you have the ability to cope and overcome challenges.
4. Progressive Muscle Relaxation. Systematically tense and then relax different muscle groups to release physical tension. This helps signal to your body that the threat has passed.
5. Break Down Tasks. Divide overwhelming tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. Focus on one step at a time to reduce the feeling of being overwhelmed.
6. Create a Safety Plan. Identify safe spaces or people you can turn to for support. Develop a plan to remove yourself from threatening situations when possible.
7. Visualize Success. Imagine yourself successfully handling the situation causing stress. Visualization can help reframe your mindset and build confidence.
8. Seek Professional Help. Consult with a mental health professional for guidance and support. Therapies like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can be effective.
9. Regular Exercise. Engage in physical activity to release built-up tension and stress. Exercise has positive effects on mood and overall well-being.
10. Establish Healthy Habits. Maintain healthy nutrition, adequate sleep, and regular appropriate self-care. A healthy lifestyle contributes to better stress resilience.
11. Mind-Body Techniques. Explore practices like deep breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, and biofeedback to connect the mind and body. These techniques can promote relaxation and reduce stress.
12. Social Support. Share your feelings with trusted friends, family members, and/or church family members. Talking about stressors can provide emotional relief and perspective.

Remember, overcoming the freeze response is a gradual process, different strategies work for different individuals. Consistent practice and self-awareness contribute to building resilience over time.

THE FAWN RESPONSE
The fawn stress response is a survival mechanism characterized by a person adopting a submissive and appeasing demeanor when faced with a threat or stressor. This reaction involves prioritizing the needs and feelings of others over one’s own in an attempt to avoid conflict or harm. It often manifests as extreme people-pleasing, compliance, and a strong desire for approval from others. The term “fawn” is derived from the idea of a deer freezing or becoming submissive in the presence of a predator as a defense mechanism.

For example, imagine a person is in a meeting, and their boss makes an unreasonable demand or criticizes their work harshly. Instead of expressing their frustration or disagreement, the individual might exhibit a fawn response by immediately apologizing, agreeing with everything the boss says, and trying to please them at all costs. This behavior could stem from a deep-seated desire to avoid conflict and gain approval, even in stressful situations.

In this scenario, the fawn response might manifest as an attempt to appease authority figures in order to minimize the perceived threat and maintain a sense of safety. It’s important to note that the fawn response is a survival mechanism that individuals may develop based on their past experiences and the need to navigate challenging social situations. The fawn response can be a coping mechanism developed in childhood, especially in environments where assertiveness or expressing one’s needs and boundaries is discouraged or punished. It may persist into adulthood and impact interpersonal relationships and overall emotional well-being.

There can be both positives and negatives for the fawn response, such as:

Positives:
Social Harmony. Fawning can promote social harmony by prioritizing cooperation and reducing conflict.
Relationship Building. Fawning may help in building and maintaining positive relationships, as it involves accommodating others’ needs.

Negatives:
Self-Neglect. Fawning often involves neglecting one’s own appropriate needs and desires in favor of pleasing others, potentially leading to self-neglect.
Boundary Issues. Individuals who frequently fawn may struggle with setting and maintaining healthy boundaries, which can impact personal well-being.
Authenticity Concerns. Constant fawning may result in suppressing one’s true feelings and thoughts, leading to a lack of authenticity in relationships.
Vulnerability to Exploitation. People who habitually fawn may be more susceptible to exploitation or manipulation by others who recognize and take advantage of this behavior.

The fawn stress response can be challenging to overcome. Here are some steps to address it:

1. Self-awareness. Recognize and acknowledge the tendency to fawn in stressful situations. Reflect on past experiences where this response was prominent.
2. Set Boundaries. Learn to identify and communicate personal boundaries. Practice saying “no” when necessary without excessive explanation or guilt (a helpful resource on the topic of boundaries is the book, “Boundaries” by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend, find it on Amazon here).
3. Shore up identity. Fostering a greater understanding of your identity in and through Jesus Christ can be a significant way to reduce the need for external validation. Establishing your identity in Christ equips you with a sense of worth independent of others’ opinions.
4. Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques. Practice mindfulness to stay present and avoid automatic people-pleasing reactions. Use grounding techniques, such as deep breathing or sensory awareness, to avoid being reactionary.
5. Assertiveness Training. Develop assertiveness skills to express needs and opinions appropriately and confidently. Role-play or seek guidance to enhance assertive communication.
6. Healthy Relationships. Cultivate relationships based on mutual respect and understanding. Surround yourself with supportive individuals who appreciate authenticity.
7. Counseling. Consider seeking professional help, such as counseling, to explore underlying issues and develop healthy strategies for dealing with them. Therapists can provide tailored guidance for overcoming fawn responses.
8. Self-Reflection. Regularly reflect on personal values and priorities. Align actions with authentic self-expression rather than external expectations.
9. Practice Gratitude. Practice gratitude to shift the focus from a need for external approval.

Remember, overcoming the fawn response is a gradual process that may involve setbacks. Consistent effort and being patient with yourself are key to building resilience and authentic self-expression.