The problem with coping mechanisms …

As a counselor, I’m cautious about using the term “coping mechanisms” because the surface meaning of that phrase almost always (but not always) isn’t in the best interest of my clients.

That’s because the purpose of a “coping mechanism” is simply to help a person cope, not thrive; and given our human weaknesses, we’re often content to settle just for coping rather than pushing beyond that to thriving, being the whole persons God would have us be.

Before we go further, let’s establish a working definition for “coping mechanisms,” which are best understood as follows:

A coping mechanism refers to adaptive strategies or behaviors individuals use to manage and deal with stress, challenges, or difficult emotions.

There is a time and place for “coping mechanisms” — let’s look at one of those times found in the Bible. You may be familiar with the story of a time when the prophet Elijah was distraught to the point of panic and being overwhelmed when an evil queen threatened his life:

“When Ahab got home, he told Jezebel everything Elijah had done, including the way he had killed all the prophets of Baal. So Jezebel sent this message to Elijah: ‘May the gods strike me and even kill me if by this time tomorrow I have not killed you just as you killed them.’ Elijah was afraid and fled for his life. He went to Beersheba, a town in Judah, and he left his servant there. Then he went on alone into the wilderness, traveling all day. He sat down under a solitary broom tree and prayed that he might die. ‘I have had enough, Lord,’ he said. ‘Take my life, for I am no better than my ancestors who have already died,'” 1 Kings 19:1-4.

You can read the whole story in 1 Kings 19. If Elijah would have settled for coping, it would have meant just staying alive while living in fear and being racked with depression. But God wasn’t finished with Elijah, so he needed to push through his current trouble so he could, once again, thrive.

In Elijah’s case, to help him “clear his head” (think more rationally) and hear/see a path forward with the Lord, he did need the benefit of a couple coping mechanisms, in his case those were something eat and a good nap.

When we face troubles or traumas, it’s not just our thoughts or emotions that are unsettled, but our whole selves. That’s because we’re complex beings; our thoughts create parallel emotions and our bodies respond to what we think and feel. Elijah would be able to think more rationally, and tune in more clearly to the Lord, with the help of some nourishment and rest, which would strengthen his mental, emotional, physical, AND spiritual capacity to push past just coping (or giving up!) in the moment.

The problem, though, is people will often finds ways of coping and settle there, at the lowest point rather than pushing beyond so they can thrive.

So, let’s look at some positive reasons for having some coping mechanisms ready to use for life’s troubles, but then look at some of the problems with relying on coping mechanisms for wholeness.

Here are some “pros” for coping mechanisms:

Stress Reduction. Coping mechanisms can help individuals manage and reduce stress, promoting overall well-being.

Emotional Regulation. They provide a way to regulate and cope with intense emotions, preventing emotional overwhelm.

Enhanced Resilience. Developing healthy coping mechanisms can contribute to increased resilience in the face of adversity.

Improved Mental Health. Effective coping mechanisms are linked to better mental health outcomes, reducing the risk of mental health issues.

Enhanced Problem-Solving. Some coping mechanisms involve problem-solving skills, helping individuals address the root causes of their stressors.

Some examples of what can be potential positive coping mechanisms are:

Exercise. Engaging in physical activity helps release endorphins, which can improve mood and reduce stress.

Mindfulness Meditation. Practicing mindfulness can enhance self-awareness, reduce anxiety, and promote overall mental well-being.

Seeking Support. Talking to friends, family, a church leader, or a therapist can provide emotional support and different perspectives on challenging situations.

Time Management. Organizing and prioritizing tasks can help individuals feel more in control and reduce feelings of overwhelm.

Healthy Hobbies. Pursuing enjoyable activities such as hobbies or creative outlets can serve as a positive distraction and stress-reliever.

Now, some “cons” for overly relying on coping mechanisms:

Maladaptive Coping. Some coping mechanisms, like substance abuse or avoidance, can be maladaptive and may create additional problems or worsen current ones.

Short-Term Relief. Certain coping mechanisms may provide only temporary relief without addressing the underlying issues.

Dependency. There’s a risk of becoming overly reliant on certain coping mechanisms, which can hinder (and even harm) personal growth and resilience.

Social Impact. Coping mechanisms that isolate individuals or strain relationships can have negative social consequences.

Not Universal. What works for one person may not work for another — some coping mechanisms may not be universally effective.

Some examples of negative coping mechanisms include:

Substance Abuse. Turning to alcohol, drugs, or other substances to cope can provide a false sense of temporary relief but often leads to long-term negative, harmful consequences.

Avoidance. Ignoring or avoiding problems rather than addressing them can result in unresolved issues and increased stress over time, and can make current troubles worse.

Self-Harm. Engaging in self-destructive behaviors, such as cutting or other forms of self-harm, is a harmful way to try to cope with emotional pain.

Emotional Eating. Using food as a way to cope with stress or negative emotions can lead to unhealthy eating patterns and serious physical and mental health issues.

Denial. Refusing to acknowledge or accept reality as a way to cope can hinder personal growth and prevent effective problem-solving.

EQUIPPED TO THRIVE
While there are times when all of us benefit from the aid of some positive coping mechanisms, the fact is Jesus came to provide the means for us to have a life in which we can (through Him) thrive:

“The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life,” John 10:10.

Instead of just positive coping mechanisms for such a life, disciples of Jesus have been equipped with the permanent, indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit to teach, guide, and empower us; we’ve been supplied with the Word of God (the Bible) which is invaluable for our thriving because, “All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work,” 2 Timothy 3:16-17; and we have the means to directly talk with God about anything at any time. In addition, God has given us a new “family” in the church, which is there to support, encourage, and walk with us through life so that we can fully mature in Christ — learning to thrive in Him.

Don’t just settle for coping, make a decision to push on and learn to thrive through Jesus Christ.

Scotty