The dirty little secret about being a church leader …

Regardless of the fact that the average church in America has only about 65 members, the idea often painted of being a minister in the 21st century is perching oneself on a stool on a large stage and speaking to thousands of adoring parishioners in multiple services each Sunday.

Then you get ordained, called to a small church, and discover reality.

One of the realities is that those you lead may not be so “adoring” or hang on your every word. In fact, they can be tough to please and and tough with their feedback. Arthur Myers shared a few snippets in the Berkshire Sampler of some of the things people say to their pastors:

Parishioners hard pressed for something to say to the clergy after the service have, according to one minister’s friend said to him, “You always manage to find something to fill up the time.”

“I don’t care what they say, I like your sermons.”

“If I’d known you were going to be good today I’d have brought a neighbor.”

“Did you know there are 243 panes of glass in the windows?”

“We shouldn’t make you preach so often.”

Believe it or not, ministers are human, too. And like other humans, they want to be loved, they want to be liked, and they also want to be needed.

That last one is something that comes up in a way so many ministers don’t really like. It’s part of a “dirty little secret” about being a church leader you often don’t hear of until you are one, and it’s this: Leaders are often un- or under-appreciated until they’re needed.

Put another way, people often aren’t all that interested in your leadership until they need you.

That was the stark reality for Jephthah, who God would raise up as one of Israel’s judges. Initially, the people — and specifically, his own family! — didn’t think highly of Jephthah:

“Now Jephthah of Gilead was a great warrior. He was the son of Gilead, but his mother was a prostitute. Gilead’s wife also had several sons, and when these half brothers grew up, they chased Jephthah off the land. ‘You will not get any of our father’s inheritance,’ they said, ‘for you are the son of a prostitute.’ So Jephthah fled from his brothers and lived in the land of Tob. Soon he had a band of worthless rebels following him,” Judges 11:1-3.

However, things would change regarding what people thought about Jephthah, and especially what they thought about his leadership:

“At about this time, the Ammonites began their war against Israel. When the Ammonites attacked, the elders of Gilead sent for Jephthah in the land of Tob. The elders said, ‘Come and be our commander! Help us fight the Ammonites!’ But Jephthah said to them, ‘Aren’t you the ones who hated me and drove me from my father’s house? Why do you come to me now when you’re in trouble?’ ‘Because we need you,’ the elders replied. ‘If you lead us in battle against the Ammonites, we will make you ruler over all the people of Gilead,'” Judges 11:4-8.

When did the people appreciate and want Jephthah’s leadership? When they needed him!

Having been rejected at first, Jephthah challenges their call for his leadership, and the elders are very blunt as to why they want Jephthah as a leader: “Because we need you …”

I’ve heard several ministers say they rarely hear from the people they shepherd except for when they’re needed. That common reality of ministry is a little secret about church leadership that often isn’t shared in seminary, but the truth is the time most people reach out to connect with their pastors is when they need them.

Isn’t that kind of how we treat God?

We pray when we want or need something from God, bringing our list of requests, but God doesn’t hear much from us when we don’t sense a need for Him. Likewise, ministers don’t hear a lot from the church members they serve until those church members need them.

How do you deal with that? A few thoughts:

Focus on purpose over popularity. Effective church leadership isn’t about constant recognition and certainly shouldn’t be about building a “fan base,” it’s about being used by God to make a difference for the best interest of others, for His glory, and the sake of His kingdom.

Church leadership is servant leadership. Embrace the concept of servant leadership. Serve others willingly, even when they don’t appreciate it immediately. Your impact matters beyond their awareness. Understand that serving others isn’t about earning recognition, something Jesus revealed bluntly to his apostles: “When a servant comes in from plowing or taking care of sheep, does his master say, ‘Come in and eat with me’? No, he says, ‘Prepare my meal, put on your apron, and serve me while I eat. Then you can eat later.’ And does the master thank the servant for doing what he was told to do? Of course not. In the same way, when you obey me you should say, ‘We are unworthy servants who have simply done our duty,'” Luke 17:7-10.

Foster authentic connections with the people in your congregation. Invest time in building genuine relationships. When people know you beyond your leadership role, they’ll appreciate you more consistently.

Scotty